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Rich Brown - Living My Life Out Loud!
Hello I'm Rich Brown and this is my personal website and blog. I'm just your simple, average, down to earth, professional, out gay man and aspiring circuit boy, living in Phoenix, Arizona with a few things to say while trying to find my place among all the scary, conservative, religious nuts in this sick and twisted world.
Sunday, January 07, 2001
Well this is my first journal entry of the new year. I can't believe that I haven't written in so long. It's just so difficult sometimes to force myself to sit and write. Blah..blah..blah.. this is the same thing I've been yelling at myself for every year. I think 2000 was the worst though. I didn't really write at all. Maybe I'll try and make a promise to myself to write more often this year.
So what is there to write about? Hmmm .. well I've been thinking about Dad a great deal lately. I know it's not very productive, but I miss him. I miss our conversations. I miss his advice, support and laughter. I never realized how much of a friend he had become to me until recently.
Looking back on 2000, I'm not sure if I would classify it as a good year or a bad year. I guess it had it's good parts and it's bad parts. 2000 will be remembered by me as the year that I "almost" built a house in Phoenix. The year that D and I broke up. The year that I "found" and moved to San Francisco. The year that my father died. The year that I turned 30. The year that I finally realized that I have still not found true love again. I guess overall it was an interesting year, but I'm really looking forward to this year to see what comes about.
So what do I have planned for myself for this new year? Well as I told some of my friends, I don't really believe in making New Year's resolutions. I feel them to be very unproductive and hard to keep. I have a tendency to make more of "Birthday" resolutions so that every birthday I can look back and see if it was a good year and if I did anything I wanted to in the last year. I guess either is the same, I just choose a different time to do them. I didn't really make any birthday resolutions so I guess I'll make my New Years resolutions now.
I want to learn some new things this year. Something different, not something technology related. I want to start learning how to play the piano. I want to take a photography class. I want to take an American Sign Language class. I guess I better stop listing my wants or I'll be here all day. These are the three things I have decided that I really want to do this year.
As for myself, I have decided that it is a good year to work on building some strong personal relationships. When D and I were together in Phoenix, I let myself withdraw from all of my friends. I couldn't see what I was doing. I kept justifying it based on the fact that I was building a relationship with D. Well I can see now how mistaken I was to let this happen. When I realized that D did not like any of my friends or being a social person, I should have moved on right there. I need my friends and I need to have a social life. I have sworn to myself that I will never let that happen again. I've lectured people on this point before, and I went and did it myself. No matter what happens in life, you friends will be there for you. Dates and boyfriends will come and go, but we all need some good strong friendships to get through both the good and the bad times together.
Well enough about that anyway. I'm not sure what turn my life is about to take. D has decided to move to Sacramento and has offered to take the dogs with him. I'm going to let him take them in the hopes that they will have a better life with a yard rather then being cramped in this apartment all the time. I will miss them, but they will be better off and truthfully I will be better off. Once he takes them I can finally move to the city, where I've wanted to live from the start. I'll discuss more about this later.
Ok well .. anyway I think that is enough for now. I feel a little better as I always do once I start writing again. Hopefully I can do this a bit more often.
