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Rich Brown - Living My Life Out Loud!
Hello I'm Rich Brown and this is my personal website and blog. I'm just your simple, average, down to earth, professional, out gay man and aspiring circuit boy, living in Phoenix, Arizona with a few things to say while trying to find my place among all the scary, conservative, religious nuts in this sick and twisted world.
Tuesday, July 10, 2001
@ Work
I wish I had more time to spend writing my Journal. Work has been really hectic this week. I did manage to get almost all of my project done yesterday. I was afraid that I was going to have to work over the weekend.
I hate to have to work on the weekends. There were labor laws put into place for a reason, but it seems like those of us that are salaried workers are now the blue collar workers of the 2000's. I hate the fact that my boss just assumes that I have no life and the minute a problems arises that I can spend all weekend working just to meet someone's arbitrary deadline. So far I've been pretty lucky and have been able to get most of my work done without putting in any weekend time. I know that with all of the projects we are working on right now I'm going to eventually be asked to work on the weekend and I'm going to have to have a long discussion with my boss about it.
My opinion on this is that I have a life and I do not live to work. I work to live. There is a big difference. For me the weekends are my time and I don't ever have one where I don't have plans to spend time doing something or with my friends. I can't imagine how your employer just thinks that you will at a whim drop all plans you have just to work. I guess it doesn't help that the rest of my team are total geeks and have nothing better to do then work all the time. Maybe if everyone would just say no instead of caving in and spending all their free-time in front of the computer I wouldn't have to look like such the non-team player with a life. Anyway -- enough of my bitching -- I've just been in a foul mood every time this subject comes up
I've been having some really weird dreams lately. I don't know if it's because it's been somewhat hot in my room, but I just haven't been sleeping that well. I was so tired yesterday that I had to go out to my car at 4:30 just to lay down for a bit. I totally fell asleep in my car for about 45 minutes. I really needed to just lay there and relax for a few. I feel like I've been on the go a little too much lately. After I finished up work I went over to Target, Staples and Sportmart and just walked around a bit. It was nice to spend some time to myself and just shop. I think I need to start taking some more time to myself and doing things because in some aspects of my life I know that I have just not been giving myself any "me" time lately.
I have to say that it's been really nice that I haven't spent much money over the past few weekends. I've grown tired of the SF party scene. I enjoy going out to clubs once and a while but I really think it is best left for a special occasion. I've also really cut out the drinking as well because it's a waste of money and I just don't like feeling like shit the next day. My friends and I have been spending some quality time just hanging out, cooking up some food and watching movies. I've been having more fun doing that then going out. I think they feel the same as well.
So about my friends. I think I've finally found the group of friends that I've been looking for my whole life. I found people that I really enjoy hanging out with and they also enjoy hanging out with me. People that I care about and they care about me. I've always had friends, but as friends tend to do -- they come and go depending on the situation and the moment. I don't see this happening with Bee and Steven. I always find myself wanting to see them -- wanting to talk to them and also worrying about them. I really do care about them and I see us all being friends for a long time. I want to say the same about my friend Philip, but I'm not sure that I can yet. I really do care about him as well and worry about him, but I feel that he is so new to the community that he doesn't quite understand the need for quality friends. I think that Philip will eventually move on but I'm happy to think that we all may have had some positive influence on his life. I know that the bond that Bee, Steven and I have goes much deeper and I've never really experienced this from friends before. Just when you think things can't get any better ... it does. I'm really looking forward to the next few years and spending time with these guys. I can't imagine my life without them.
So aside from everything else -- I actually feel pretty good. And for me this is a feat. I'm usually so tired or feel sick. I do feel a bit drained but I think this may be more mentally drained then then physically. I think it leads back to the fact that I haven't been fair to myself and given myself some "me" time. Hopefully I'll resolve this soon.
Well anyway it's getting late and I better finish up and get out of here.
