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Rich Brown - Living My Life Out Loud!
Hello I'm Rich Brown and this is my personal website and blog. I'm just your simple, average, down to earth, professional, out gay man and aspiring circuit boy, living in Phoenix, Arizona with a few things to say while trying to find my place among all the scary, conservative, religious nuts in this sick and twisted world.
Friday, August 03, 2001
@ Work. I guess I really should be doing some work but I just need to take a break for a few minutes. I know this sounds really stupid but I was able to get my cube cleaned up today and I feel much better. It's so nice to have a clean and organized work environment. I feel as if I haven't gotten that much accomplished this week. I think I'm going to get shit from my boss next when he gets back from vacation. Oh well -- I'll deal with it then. Maybe if I have some free time on Sunday I will finish up one of the pieces I was working on.
I don't really have a whole lot to write. I'm really feeling pretty good today. I didn't do much last night except get caught up on my laundry and watch TV. It was a pretty quiet night at home. I was a bit down about the whole Justin thing though. I know I give myself all of these reasons for what I did, but I just don't know what it is that is really going to make me happy. I thought this was what I wanted -- what I needed, but I find myself even more miserable now. Maybe I just need time -- I don't know.
I finally received a reply back from Rob from an E-Mail that I wrote to him last week. I'm so glad to still have him in my life because I know that I can talk to him about anything and get a pretty objective opinion from him. He usually understands my feelings and what I'm going through at the time. I really wish now that I would have called him when I was in Phoenix last week, but I wasn't sure from his lack of a prompt response to my E-Mail if he or his b/f were comfortable with us still communicating. In his E-Mail he stated that he was really glad that we are friends and he's happy to have me in his life. I was glad to hear this because I really feel the same about him and I want him to be happy. From what he said, he is very happy with Cary and they are eventually going to move in together. I'm glad that he's found someone special.
What is happiness anyway? What in life really truly makes us happy? I don't think that I know what the answer to this question in yet. Maybe I need to sit down and make a list of the things that make me happy and the things that don't make me happy. Maybe I just need to look at all of the things that I have right now and see how they fit. I swear -- I'm getting way too philosophical about all this stuff in my old age.
Speaking of philosophical -- I know that I mentioned before that I really want to go back to school. Mostly for personal enrichment, but I would still like to get my masters degree. I was going to take a class this fall but because I am still not quite a resident for 1 year until October, I'm not going to be able too. I really don't want to have to pay out of state tuition. I was thinking that maybe I should look at trying to teach part-time again. Maybe at CC or an extension campus. I'm not sure if I'll need my masters to teach or not, but I'd really like to get involved in school one way or another. We'll see. Just an option.
God -- my mind is all over the place today. I guess because I start and stop writing when I get interrupted at work it really changes my thoughts at the moment. I have to say that as much as I like my home and my roommates I still really miss living on my own. I want to settle down soon but I don't think I want to settle in a place where I have a room. I'm really thinking about looking again in the fall for maybe a 1-bedroom or a studio to move into. I would like to live on my own and be able to have all my things back with me again. We'll see. For now I'm content -- but nothing wrong with looking especially since the prices keep coming down.
So overall today was a pretty good day. I have to run some errands after work but I think that tonight is going to be another pretty calm night. I'm going to take the night off from everyone and just do my own thing. I really need the time to think. I may actually meet up with Justin for coffee just to see him and talk. Maybe we need it.
Anyway -- I better get my work finished.
