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Rich Brown - Living My Life Out Loud!
Hello I'm Rich Brown and this is my personal website and blog. I'm just your simple, average, down to earth, professional, out gay man and aspiring circuit boy, living in Phoenix, Arizona with a few things to say while trying to find my place among all the scary, conservative, religious nuts in this sick and twisted world.
Sunday, September 16, 2001
@ Home
I think this week has been a very trying and stressful week for everyone. After what has happened on Tuesday I'm sure that everyone has had some sort of realization that things are no longer going to be the same in this country.
I don't really want to write much about Tuesday because I feel like we've all suffered from information overload on the subject already. All I'm going to say is that I'm glad the majority of people in this country are finally realizing what it is to be an American and pulling together like I've never seen before. I have never been so proud to fly the American Flag and be a citizen of the United States. It's too bad that it takes such a tragedy to bring people together like this.
I really do think life as we know it is going to change at least for a while if not indefinitely. We, as Americans, have long taken so many freedoms in this country for granted and just assumed they were our given right. Personally I would more then gladly give up some personal freedom in order to feel safe at home, work or anywhere I may travel in this country. I never thought I would see the day where I did not feel safe anywhere.
As for traveling -- I have to seriously think if I want to go back to Philadelphia over the holidays now. It's not so much the fear of flying, but I don't know what the prices are going to be and also flying over the holidays will bring added stress to everyone that is traveling. Maybe I will just drive down to Phoenix and spend a week with my friends if they decide to stay in town as well. Who knows -- I guess I'll just take it a day at a time.
All that has happened this week just reiterates in my mind that as an individual it is so important to live for today and not put off until tomorrow. When it comes down to the simple fact that one never really knows when this day will be his or her last. I know that after the passing of my father I had this realization that we can never tell how long we are going to be on this earth and we should take advantage of each and every day. I think I've changed the way I life to focus less on work and the minor things, but more on the activities that I really enjoy. Things such as spending more time with friends and just doing what makes me happy. I've vowed not to be a slave to my work anymore and I've been pretty good about keeping that promise so far.
Speaking of work ... I hate to sound selfish, but I really am scared about what is going to happen to the economy and all of us in this country. I know things were not really that great for the past year, however there was a hope that the economy would be looking up by next year. Now there is no view of when things will get better. If we get into a long and sustained war the only hope for our economy will be the increased Military spending, however the outlook for the rest of us may not be so great. I'm afraid that my company will run out of money before it can become profitable and then once again I will be looking for another job and wondering why I wasted a year of my time for stock options that I will never see. I guess this is the downside to working in a volatile industry right now. Although I keep telling myself that there are no guarantees anyway ...
All this said -- I guess it's really important for me to know that I'm finally starting to feel settled in San Francisco. I didn't realize that it would take so long for me to feel this way, but when I think about it, it took me quite some time to get adjusted to living in Arizona as well. About 2 weeks ago I finally went and registered my car. I figured after 10 months it was finally time. On October 13th, I will have lived here in the Bay Area for exactly 1 year. This has been such an eventful year, one that I will never forget. I'm looking forward to my birthday this year so that I can spend some time and reflect on everything that's happened this year, and what direction I feel my life should take now.
I guess part of my feeling settled now is because I really enjoy where I live, and I also have found some really incredible friends. I have found the type of friends that are not only friends but also feel like family. The other reason is that I finally realized that I need to stop running from my problems. I think that over the past 10 years whenever I had a problem I would just pack up and move somewhere. Not to actually escape something, but rather for the simple fact that a move somewhere would totally take my mind off of what is going on at that particular minute in my life. Maybe this is why I've moved an average of every 6 months for the past 10 years. Now that I've started to turn around and address all of my issues head on, I've been feeling much better about myself and my future. I think I'm going to put some roots down here for a while.
I'm up pretty late tonight because I had to do some work and I didn't really want to have to do all of it tomorrow. I didn't get everything done that I wanted tonight but I was able to get a good start. Maybe I'll just go into work on Monday and beg for some more time. I think I only really need a few more hours to get everything finished.
Well I think I'm going to head to bed. I should add that my new favorite dance song was just on the satellite. It's Keep Control by Sono on Groovilicious Records -- God I love that song.
