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Rich Brown - Living My Life Out Loud!
Hello I'm Rich Brown and this is my personal website and blog. I'm just your simple, average, down to earth, professional, out gay man and aspiring circuit boy, living in Phoenix, Arizona with a few things to say while trying to find my place among all the scary, conservative, religious nuts in this sick and twisted world.
Wednesday, September 19, 2001
@ Home
Well another fabulous Wednesday working from home. In all honesty I can actually get more done when I'm working from home because it's quiet and I don't have as many distractions as in the office. I'm really glad that I finally went and picked up my Residential S-Permit from the parking office last week. It's so nice to know that I'm finally ok to leave my car parked in my neighborhood and not have to worry about getting a ticket.
What a week this has been. The days just seem to go by faster and faster each week. I've been so busy this week with a release that was due on Monday. I can't believe that I actually didn't get it done by Monday. Even after working all night on Saturday night on it I wasn't finished come Monday morning. Thank god my boss was ok with me finishing it up on Monday. I've never been late with any of my pieces before so I think that's why it wasn't a problem. With everything that happened last week I just couldn't get myself focused on rushing to get it done.
Today started off sort of rocky. I was in a really foul mood when I got up this morning. First of all I fell asleep last night with the lights and TV. I woke up at 5:30 am to get undressed and actually get into bed. I had to be up at 8 am to do some work, so it didn't really seem as if I was able to get any sleep at all. I think maybe I will lay down and take a nap for an hour or so here in a little bit.
So as for me -- well much has been going on in my personal life recently. I'm actually really happy for the first time in a long while. I have some really great friends and I finally feel like I'm getting my life back into order. I also feel like I'm finally starting to settle down a little bit. I don't think I'm going to be going anywhere anytime soon. I'm enjoying spending time here in the Bay Area and also living in the city. I think if I were to actually move anywhere else I would miss the freedom I have here in the city.
As for Justin and I, well we really haven't seen each other too much lately. I took him down to Costco on Sunday to get a few things but that was really it. I know it's been hard for him but I felt that it was best for both of us if I distanced myself from him for a while. I just think he needs some time alone to focus on what it is that is important to him and where he wants to go with his life. It has also been good for me to have the time alone and with my friends. Justin is a really sweet guy and I want to be there for him, but at this point I just cannot give him the type of friendship that he wants from me. After being with someone for a while you just cannot flip the switch from partners to friends. It doesn't work that way. Maybe someday he will understand why it has to be this way.
I really want to talk about 2 of my friends for a second because I know that I really don't write about them too much and I think they are an important part of my life right now. First let me talk about Steven ...
Steven
Steven and I met for the first time on Friday, March 16th, 2001 at Starbucks on 24th and Noe. We had actually met online through the SFSocial group that I joined and were e-mailing each other back and forth for about a week or two before we met. Well there is a really funny part to the story of us meeting for the first time. We decided to meet at Starbucks that Friday night for coffee. I was supposed to have my DSL setup earlier that evening so I figured I could still get there in time. As it happened something was wrong with the installation of my DSL and I had to sit on the phone with a PacBell representative for almost an hour trying to resolve the problem. As I sat on the phone, the time I was supposed to meet Steven quickly came and passed. Because I was already on the phone I had no way to call him and I don't even think I had his phone number, as it was in my E-Mail and I never had written it down. So after I finally got the DSL problem resolved and off the phone I decided to run down the street with the hopes of maybe still catching him. What I didn't know at the time is that one of Steven biggest peeves is when someone is late. Go figure -- I'm always late. Anyway -- I finally got to Starbucks about 45 minutes later then I was supposed to originally meet him. Anyone, including myself would have normally left by then but for some reason he was still there. When we talk about it today neither one of us is sure why he waited but he just did. That night was the start of a great friendship between us. I consider Steven one of my very best friends and I love him so very much. In the short time we've known each other we have become very close and have already formed so many wonderful memories together. Steven is one of those people that I can always be open, honest and myself with. He is such a good and down to earth person and I can't even begin to describe how much fun I have when I'm with him. I told Steven a few weeks ago that he reminded me somewhat of my Father. When I said that I meant that I knew I could always talk to him about anything and that no matter what I would always get an objective opinion from him. I know that I don't ever have to worry about myself with him because he loves me for the person that I am and expects no more from me then my loyal friendship. I'm so glad that he waited for me that night at Starbucks because he has become such a special part of my life that I don't think I could see my life without him in it.
Ok now onto Philip ...
Philip
Philip came into my life sort of randomly on Sunday, May 20, 2001. Philip joined the SFSocial group in the hopes of meeting some new people in the city and showed up at one of the last big Coffee Get-Togethers we had. We ended up dragging Philip out to the Bar on Castro, the Cafe and then to on to dancing at Pleasuredome that night. We found out that afternoon that he had never been in a gay bar before or even really spent time with any gay people. It was a day and night of firsts for him. I think he even got his first phone number that night. Well over the next few months Philip started spending more time with us. It is really interesting to see how much he has changed from that shy boy that showed up for coffee to the funny and outgoing person he is with us today. I really like having Philip in my life because as I tell him all the time, he reminds me so much of my college friends. When I say this I mean that I just feel this bond with him and we really seem to have the same sense of humor and just hit it off well. I always know that whenever we are together we can just laugh, have fun and enjoy ourselves. I think this really gives us a common ground for a strong friendship. I also feel that Philip and I can understand each other pretty well because we both went to big Universities, and are both working our asses off trying to get ahead with our careers. I've felt as if I've really gotten closer to Philip lately and our friendship just seems to be getting stronger all the time. With Philip being so new to the gay community I try to not influence him much but I do sometimes have a tendency to be protective of him. I know he has to learn things on his own but I don't want to see him get hurt if he can at all avoid it. It's like I almost see him as the little brother I never had. I really enjoy spending time with Philip and he too as quickly become one of my very best friends. I also love Philip a great deal and I hope that we will have many more years of fun together as friends.
Friends or Family?
I think in the gay community it's so important to find people that you can form a life long bond with. Being gay, statistically, we are going to be in and out of relationships and possibly never really settle down and have a "traditional" family. Friends are the closest thing to a family that we have and when we find those few individuals that we can grow old with, our lives become that much fuller and richer.
When it comes down to it, these guys are my family. I always think about them, I always talk to them, I always spend time with them. I know that with them I can just be myself, enjoy myself and don't have to worry about what they think. I know that no matter what they love me for me and I don't have to pretend with them. We can all laugh together, we can cry together and we can just be there for each other, good or bad. I know that I can always count on these guys to be there for me and I hope they feel the same about me in return. I've never really had a friendship this strong before aside from my lifelong college friends and even then it never has really gotten to this level.
The three of us spent this past weekend together just hanging out and having fun and I can honestly say that I've not had a better weekend in a long time. I think that with the three of us our friendship feels so natural and it just happens. There is never any drama and it doesn't take any work at all to maintain. It's just there, no questions asked, and I believe that's the way it should be with friends. I would never let anyone come between my friendship with them. At some point if I meet someone and bring them into my life they will have to get along with my friends or it just would never work out. If anything good has come out of my living in San Francisco it has been meeting Steven and Philip. I look forward to spending many more fun times and hopefully many more years with these guys as a part of my life.
Well it's not 5:30 pm and I've been writing this journal entry on and off for about 2 hours now. I really should go and lay down for a bit before I head out with Steven tonight. I hope the rest of the weekend goes by quickly because I'm really looking forward to another relaxing weekend with my friends.
