Hello I'm Rich Brown and this is my personal website and blog. I'm just your simple, average, down to earth, professional, out gay man and aspiring circuit boy, living in Phoenix, Arizona with a few things to say while trying to find my place among all the scary, conservative, religious nuts in this sick and twisted world.
Friday, October 19, 2001
@ Work
So after some careful thought about it, I've decided to place another personal ad on the internet. I still am not ready to meet someone for a full time commitment, but I think it would be nice to just meet some new people, go out for coffee, have a conversation. I just think that it can't hurt.
I know that you cannot search for love or a relationship that it will just happen naturally, however by meeting people you definitely increase your chances of finding someone that you may have something in common with. After all, people have friends and you never know what may come about from it.
I really need to rework the text of my ad, but I just put up my standard text for now with some slight modifications. I'm just not sure how to accurately describe myself, my interests and what I'm looking for right now.
It seems to me that everyone who has a person ad out is either 1 -- only looking for sex or 2 -- a homebody and looking for another homebody. I fit into neither of those categories. I'm really enjoying my life right now and I'm certainly not ready to become a homebody again.
How can I accurately represent myself to someone. I'm educated, professional, dedicated and hard working, when it comes to my career and goals. When it comes to my personal life, I'm really fun, easy going and I just like to have fun.
Essentially I have two lives, my business life, and my personal social life. I keep them separate and to anyone who only knows one side of me would totally be shocked at how I act on the other side. How can someone view me as being an educated professional when I love to go out to gay dance clubs and occasionally do ecstasy. How can I be a wannabe club kid when I'm a senior software engineer and place so much focus on my goals and career. I just can't seem to find the right words to accurately express this to anyone. It seems like for me it has to be one or another.
The really sad part is I wonder if there is anyone else out there like me. I want to meet someone that is serious about their career, professional and educated, but then when the job is done, someone who can undo the tie, throw on the club clothes and go party until 6 am. I know that judging from the numerous amount of people at these clubs, there has to be other people like me. I mean don't get me wrong. There is much more depth to me then going to out clubs and doing drugs. I also enjoy being outdoors, hanging out with my friends, watching movies, reading and writing, but right now I'm just going through this phase where I want to be immersed in gay culture and explore everything while I'm still fairly young.
I don't want to portray myself as someone that doesn't like to go out much and wants to stay home all the time, but in the same turn I also don't want to make it look like all I do it go out. In either case I would not be representing myself accurately and would not want to give anyone the wrong impression.
I think back to my relationship with Rob. We were pretty much homebodies and just did things around the house or explored the city. We never really drank or partied, or went out and I was happy. Right? Was I? Well at least my memories of that time I was happy, but I look at him now and he has totally turned into Jun Cleaver with the house and all and I'm a total opposite. Maybe I've finally just let loose and become the person that I've wanted to be. Maybe that is why I always had this unsettled feeling in our relationship anyway. Who can say.
Well I guess all I can do it try and find some words and formulate them so that someone can truly understand who I am and what I enjoy. I guess it doesn't really matter anyway because if someone expects something different or don't like me for me, well then they can just move on to the next person.
Oh well -- we'll see. I'm looking forward to a mellow weekend. I'm still feeling a bit under the weather. Maybe I'll sleep in on Saturday and then head down to do some shoe shopping. It's about time I get rid of those damn lesbian shoes I have. The sole coming apart was a sign from God -- I just know it.
