___________________________________________________________________________

   View Current Blog Posts | Create a Link | | Top of Page
___________________________________________________________________________

Links to this post:

@WORK. Thursday, October 04, 2001, 02:06 pm Hmm ... I have so many thoughts running through my head right now that I don't even know where to start writing. I'm having a great day and I just want to shift my writing for a moment away from my life and just write about some of the random thoughts I've been having lately. Things like ... --When do you decide you are ready to date someone? Must you have this great need for companionship above and beyond your general friendships or does it just happen when you meet someone that you may be interested in? Or Both? --When does dating stop being dating and become a relationship? --How many times do you actually need to go on a date before you decide if it has the potential to lead to something more? --When you go out with someone and the realization that it will not lead to something more sets in, how is the best way to handle the situation? --When do you actually know you've fallen in love with someone and how do you know it's even love? --Why is it important for some people, such as myself, that everyone like them? --Why is success an important factor to many like myself and for those of us where it is a factor, could we ever feel fulfilled as a person if we are not successful? --Can someone be happy being alone? Why does it seem to take another person for people to feel complete? --Does monogamy really exist in the gay community, or even in the heterosexual world for that matter? Is it a belief that has been forced upon us by social and religious influence or is it actually an inherent trait for humans to bind in only a single pair coupling? If for example you were raised in an environment where monogamy was not the norm, would you believe that a monogamous relationship was something unusual and perhaps immoral or just accept it as a personal decision of the parties involved? --Why do some people value close friendships more then others? Why does the word friendship have a different meaning to different people? So many questions, so little answers. I guess these are the questions that give life it's purpose and meaning. They answers that we come up with to these questions are what define us as a person and more importantly as an individual.   I believe that the answers to many of these questions stem from what is taught to us and what we experience throughout our lives. Much of what we believe, our morals and our values are just an extension or our parents. As children we tend to be influenced and define our beliefs by listening to our parents and more or less inheriting their belief structure by default. What about in the case where someone did not have much of a parental, adult, or role model influence in their early life? Do they simply formulate the answers to these questions on their own based on personal experience alone? Something to think about.  I don't know why I think about things like this but I really find the discussion of these types of issues to be interesting. One of the other topics I find interesting is homosexuality itself. If given a choice with no social stigma either way would someone actually choose to be gay? Does growing up as a gay child have a tendency to cause us to be closed to others and have a habit of keeping things inside? Looking back on my life so far I can't actually say that anyone would want to choose this lifestyle. It frustrates me sometimes that so many people believe it is truly a choice when to me it seems so obvious that it is not. Anyway -- enough of that for now. I do feel really great today. I didn't get enough sleep last night but I did make it to the gym for the 4th day in a row last night. I've been gradually increasing my workout and weight routine each time. When I get home from the gym I feel so much better that I've gone. It's easy to think about skipping the gym when I'm tired or hungry, especially when I get home from work, but having some sort of goal has really helped me to be motivated to going. I feel as if I have to go and I know that I cannot achieve my goal if I don't go. I've been trying not to work too hard so that I would burn out, but I've been taking some big steps lately to run more and start aggressively on a solid weight routine. It feels really good. Just after a few weeks of the gym I can notice a small difference especially in my arms. This feeling is helping my desire to go because I know the more I work the better results I will see. It's actually exciting for me. So Steven and I decided on a whim today that we wanted to go to Palm Springs for New Year's this year. Well actually he wanted to go to Palm Springs and I wanted to go for New Year's .... It's going to be the Masterbeat 2002 party which is basically the White Party of New Year's Eve. We already made the pool-side hotel reservations and are going to get the tickets soon. I'm really excited about it. We talked about it for all of 2 minutes and I said what the hell, let's just go and do something different for a change. I had mentioned it yesterday to both Steven and Philip, but I didn't actually think we would do it. Well I guess now it's going to be a reality. Hopefully Philip will be able to take the time off and not have to work. I know we will have a blast. I've been dying to go to a "real" circuit-party so now is my chance. We were thinking about going to the White Party in April, but I'd much rather go for this. Ok ... enough babble ... I have to get back to work before our company happy hour at 5. # posted 2:06 PM |