Hello I'm Rich Brown and this is my personal website and blog. I'm just your simple, average, down to earth, professional, out gay man and aspiring circuit boy, living in Phoenix, Arizona with a few things to say while trying to find my place among all the scary, conservative, religious nuts in this sick and twisted world.
Wednesday, December 12, 2001
@WORK. I don't really have time today to sit and write but I really need to for 2 reasons. The first reason being that today is exactly 1 year since Justin and I first met. It has been quite a year indeed. We started off strong, went through some difficult times, broke up and are now back together again. Overall I feel that our relationship is much stronger now then it was before. I don't have that frustration level that I had before because now Justin has his own friends, a decent job and is able to go off and do things on his own without waiting around for me. Things really seem to much better between him and I. I'm looking forward to the future with us. The second reason is that today is also exactly 1 year since my father passed away. In some ways I cannot believe that it's been a year already because it seems like just yesterday we were having dinner in Phoenix. In other ways I cannot believe that it's only been a year because sometimes it seems as if he's been gone for so long. I miss him so much and think about him all the time. He always had just the right thing to say to me no matter what the situation to make me feel better about everything. He was always encouraging me and supported me in whatever decision I was about to make. He never criticized but only wanted to make sure that I thought everything through fully and was making the best choice. I know that life isn't fair but as everyone probably says when something like this happens, I really don't think it was fair to us that he was taken so early. As much as I miss him and think about him, I cannot even imagine what my Mother is going through right now. He was her whole life and they were truly in love. She doesn't know what to do with herself without him and it's been a really difficult year for her. When I was at Kaiser the other day I saw an older couple sitting there waiting for the doctor. The gentleman was reading the paperwork and explaining it to his wife whose vision was apparently pretty bad. I couldn't help to think about my parents and feel sorry for my Mother because she, like this older woman, was so reliant upon my Father to do things for her. This is the first time ever she has really been on her own since she left her parents to marry my Father. I don't know know if time will ever heal the absence left by my Father that my Mother feels right now. I guess my family was pretty lucky because just as I saw how in love my Grandmother and Grandfather were for over 50 years, I also saw how in love my parents were for over 35 years. I think it gives me hope to know that 2 people can stay together through all the good times and the bad times to keep this type of love going between them. I wish my parents had more time together because I would have loved to be there with them to celebrate their 50th anniversary but I know the time they did have together was spent well. Even with my Father being gone now, I'm thankful for the time that I spent with him and for the love that I experienced with him. I guess some people never experience the bond and love that is possible between and father and a son, and for that I feel so lucky. Because of his influence and guidance I have become the person I am today and I even though he is not here with me to share in my life anymore, he will always be with me in spirit and in my heart. Well with all of that said, I really need to get back to work.
