Hello I'm Rich Brown and this is my personal website and blog. I'm just your simple, average, down to earth, professional, out gay man and aspiring circuit boy, living in Phoenix, Arizona with a few things to say while trying to find my place among all the scary, conservative, religious nuts in this sick and twisted world.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
@HOME. I guess I've really hit a lull here with my writing. I tend to go through these from time to time. The Gay and Lesbian Film Festival group here in Phoenix has started to do a monthly gay film event. Last night Justin, Mykle and I went to see the premire of Cowboys & Angels. It was an Irish film about two boys, one straight and one gay who became flatmates and friends. I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and I'm really glad these are becoming regular events here in Phoenix. I'm really starting to enjoy living in Phoenix again and I'm not missing being in San Francisco as much anymore. Maybe that's because I got my SF fix for this year, although it seems like Phoenix is really starting to become quite bearable for us gay folks these days. I believe that the more we can all get involved in events and other activities, the more they will have. We went to a social event last week and found out that the Phoenix Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce is the largest in North America. That's quite impressive. I do think that Justin was correct in saying the reason for that is because unlike in other cities where there is a predominant gay district, you have to work harder in Phoenix to be a part of something. Sounds logical to me. Anyway it seems like we are starting to be more active and meet more people so it's been a good month overall.
I've really been doing a great deal of soul searching recently. I got into quite the disagreement with my manager this week which resulted in me laying everything out on the line. When I say everything, I mean my feelings about my future with the company and how I felt about the path our group is taking. I guess it was good that I was able to say how I felt, but I really didn't want it to go that way, because I don't want it to affect my bonus in the spring. LOL. So I decided to post my resume on Monster.com again. I just thought I would put it up there and see if I got any better offers. The reality is that I will probably stay with my current job, because it seems like I would have to travel again to find something better. I really am not opposed to traveling, I just think that when I was working for SysTech it left a bad taste in my mouth. I think the travel was probably too excessive and I have really enjoyed the past year at home. It's a nice feeling to come home in the evening and not back to a hotel room. Frankly, I actually miss the traveling, but I just couldn't go back to a 100% required travel job again.
This week has felt like the longest week and it's still only Thursday. I can't believe I have another day of work yet. Will it never end. J/K. I'm really ready to relax a bit this weekend. Justin and I were originally planning on going out to San Diego this weekend for SD Pride. I don't think that's going to happen now. I would still love to go out. I've been wanting to go back since the first time I was there in 2000 for Pride. I guess that things just aren't going to work out for us to go out this weekend. Maybe we can head out at another point this fall before the weather changes.
I really have so many things going through my head right now and I don't even know where to start to work things out with myself. I think most of this was prompted this week with the disagreement I had at work. I was so stressed out that day and the entire night. We ended up going to the gym and working out for 2 hours that night. I needed something to help me chill out. I just can't believe how easily I get stressed out these days. I never knew what it was like to be stressed out before but I can totally tell when it's happening now. I can literally feel my blood pressure rising as it's happening. I get that feeling that I just want to hit someone and I start going through all these scenarios in my head. I sometimes hate to talk to Justin about it because it's mostly work realted and I feel like I just don't want to bring work problems home. I'm going to have to find a better way to relax and not get myself so worked up of all this.
Well I better get back to doing something useful here. I think I've wasted enough time for today. Cheers.
