• I'm constantly searching for something ... something else, something better, just something. It seems to be a never ending cycle for me.
• I hate working with computers as my career. I thought I used to enjoy computer programming, but what I enjoyed was the hobby of it. The thought of spending the rest of my life working in front of a computer is nauseating to me.
• I need more. I want more. I just can't define what exactly more means to me yet.
• I struggle for what I perceive as happiness but once I'm there I'm still not quite happy.

I know these thoughts may seem rather off the wall or unrelated but I've started to believe and realize that they really are all tied to the same thing. I think it all comes down to Human behavior conditioning and how/what we’ve been conditioned to think is proper, successful and appropriate behavior.

The past few times I've headed over to the book store, I've found myself cringing to even go near the technology section, and ended up looking around in the Philosophy section. Probably one of the biggest regrets from my University days is that I didn't take any Philosophy or critical thinking classes. But then I still feel that at University age we aren't quite ready to fully embrace the learning opportunities that are available to us, but rather we are focused primarily on the fastest way to complete our required coursework and attain a degree. I’m not even going to get into that, because that’s a whole other discussion best saved for later. My main point here is that I’ve started to read some books on Philosophy and thinking and I’m very intrigued.

I’ve felt somewhat stagnant the past few years because I haven’t really been learning anything interesting. I miss University lectures and intellectual conversation. I’ve tried to supplement my learning with the latest and greatest technology manuals and books, but it has become tedious and generally uninteresting to me.

Last night I picked up a copy of “The Conquest of Happiness” by Bertrand Russell. It was written in 1930 and contains a philosophical discussion of why people in civilized countries all seem to suffer from inescapable unhappiness with no obvious external cause. I’ve already read the first quarter of the book and it’s extremely interesting to me. Even though it was written in 1930, much of what is discussed still can be applied to modern day behaviors.

Anyway I’m not going to go into too much more detail in this post about the book or about my feelings, but needless to say I’m really starting to look at things a little differently now. I believe a broad lifestyle change may be headed my way, as I’m starting to finally realize what is most important to me in this lifetime.