Hello I'm Rich Brown and this is my personal website and blog. I'm just your simple, average, down to earth, professional, out gay man and aspiring circuit boy, living in Phoenix, Arizona with a few things to say while trying to find my place among all the scary, conservative, religious nuts in this sick and twisted world.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
The Joy of Ass Wipes For Adults
@HOME. So I was at the store last week and I was determined to find something better then your average, every day 30-grit toilet (sand)paper. My ass really is a thing of beauty and it deserves to be treated like princess, not an unfinished particle board. I mean seriously, they've had all kinds of baby wipes forever, but nothing for us adults except for adult sized pampers. (And NO I don't need them yet, contrary to what you may have heard or my friends might say!)
So, with the goal in mind of finding something nice for my ass, I headed straight to the baby section. On my way I kept thinking there has to be some sort of flushable wet wipes in this aisle. I was determined to find something. After searching the shelves for at least 10 minutes and finding nothing except baby butt wipes you CAN'T flush (that's just freaking disgusting, ok, what the hell are you supposed to do with it? Put it in the HazMat can next to the toilet? Seriously people!) I happened to look on the top shelf and this happened to catch my eye ...
Is this what I've been looking for all this time? Is this the moist wet towlette that my ass has been craving again since diapers? Ok well not quite but it was #1 wet, that's a plus, and #2 flushable, that's another plus. The downside you ask? Well it was a refill pack by Pampers meant to fit a cute little froggy box especially made for potty training children. Kan-doo ... hmmmm, well I already CAN-DO so I'm not sure about this one. I just couldn't decide, do I get the froggy box or not. After much deliberation I decided to give in and not get the froggy box, but pick up two packages of Kan-do to try out. I was proud of myself achieving my goal. I quickly hid them behind my back and continued to shop.
I don't know how it happened but somehow I ended up in the paper isle. You know, the one with the papertowels, napkins, toothpicks and gritty toilet paper. I forget what I was looking for, but was it fate that led me to this isle? Perhaps, but we'll never really know. What I do know is that I turned my head and VOILA ... there they were, glistening brightly in the fluorescent light, the EXACT item I had been looking for ... flushable personal cleansing wipes (that's Latin for Adult Ass Wipes.)
Were my eyes deceiving me? I had to blink a few times to make sure my contacts were clear. Was I seeing a mirage in my state of ass despair? No, I indeed was not. Imagine, flushable ADULT butt wipes near the toilet paper, who would have ever thought? To top it off they were on sale too, what more could anyone want.
I quickly ditched my two packages of Kan-do's and grabbed two packages of Wet Ones, which I now held proudly in front of me as if showing off a prodigy child. I ran through the store screaming like a giddy little school girl looking for Justin in every aisle. When I finally found him I could hardly contain the excitement I was feeling and my ass was now imagining. "Hey ... look what I found, LOOK WHAT I FOUND ... " I shrieked in excitement. He just stared at me. Somehow he seemed much less excited then me over this monumental find. We proceeded to the checkout ...
[Fast Forward 2 Weeks to Today] ... THEY ARE FREAKING AWESOME. I give these things a rave review ... my MAN-gina has never been so fresh and clean. :-) Seriously, if you thought your ass was clean after taking a dry piece of paper and smearing the CRAP around your butt, well think again my little butt pickers. You'll know better when you try some Wet Ones Flushables. I'd love to include some before and after test photos but THAT'S just freaking disgusting you sickos, so you'll have to just trust me on this one. Cheers!
Rich, Rich, Rich.....if only you had confided your butt's poor dilemma much sooner, I would have TOLD you about these things!! I haven't been without them for years, as of course my ass is special too you know. ;) Do you not have a Walmart handy? They sell theirs waaaay cheaper and they are called "Nice n Clean".
Oh yes, people who only use butt wipe have dirty disgusting bums, IMO.
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by Jude @ Wednesday, November 23, 2005 3:36:00 AM
interesting topic guy..lol
Just found your blog, I love the look. How do you get such an amazing template. I like how your face is in the banner at the top.
:)
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by The Persian @ Wednesday, November 23, 2005 5:03:00 AM
OMG! Rich! You poor man you! How could you have NOT known about such important hygiene items?
*shaking head*
welcome to the land of happy hineys!
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by Tracey @ Wednesday, November 23, 2005 8:21:00 AM
Wow Tracy & Jude I guess I've been missing out all these years! I really am in the world of happy hineys now!
Persian Guy -- This site is not just my blog but also my personal website. I'm a web developer so I usually custom develop the site myself using Microsoft.Net and then match my blog template to my website. I just decided to make my blog the front page of my website this time around since that's usually why people show up here, but I've also put alot of work into the other pages so check em out from the top menu if you're bored sometime!
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by Rich Brown @ Wednesday, November 23, 2005 8:45:00 AM
I'm impressed with your determination to bump your personal hygiene up to the next level. The fact that you were willing to try something that came out of a froggie dispenser says a LOT. : )
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by potusol @ Wednesday, November 23, 2005 7:05:00 PM
We'll have to start calling Rich "Froggie Butt", LOL
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by Jude @ Thursday, November 24, 2005 10:12:00 AM
Oh Rich. If only you had reached out and asked for help. :)
Mason
PS....they are cheaper at Target & Walmart. Happy wiping!!
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by Mason @ Thursday, November 24, 2005 4:39:00 PM
You should have taken the Kandoos because "Avec Kandoo c'est toi qui fait tout", the french slogan for Kandoo...I should stop watching TV i guess, it hurts me lol
I like the new design by the way :)
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by Walk on your own path @ Sunday, November 27, 2005 3:35:00 PM
