Hello I'm Rich Brown and this is my personal website and blog. I'm just your simple, average, down to earth, professional, out gay man and aspiring circuit boy, living in Phoenix, Arizona with a few things to say while trying to find my place among all the scary, conservative, religious nuts in this sick and twisted world.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
What Would Be The First Word?
If you were to pass a piece of paper out to everyone you know and ask them to pick one word which would be used to describe you to someone who doesn't know you, what word would they choose?
The reason this topic comes to mind today stems from a conversation I had with friends over the weekend regarding how 'the gays' are often categorized first as 'gay' before anything else when being described. I don't know why this seems to be the case, but it's most often the first word chosen by our straight friends to describe us. I've been introduced as 'my gay friend', 'my gay cousin', 'the gay guy I was telling you about', etc. And to take it a bit further, that first word categorization of 'the gays' really only happens to us. People would not typically pick a trait such as 'black' or 'woman' or 'straight' as their first choice to describe someone, but it seems to work differently for the gay community. I'm really not quite sure why they like to categorize us so freely by sexuality as the first word of choice.
After some discussion among some of my gay friends we've agreed that it it probably stems from the fact that most straight people still view being gay as a trait of choice. The really interesting thing here is that if you were to take a group of gay friends and ask the same question among those friends, I would bet that not one of them would pick the term 'gay' for any of the others. Maybe it's because that would be stating the obvious, or maybe because we simply know better. I think it's more of the latter, because I would never choose the word 'straight' to describe someone, even if it was true and that person was the only one of that category in the group. I just don't find it appropriate.
I don't know I'm not trying to be overly sensitive about this, and for the record it's not something that any of my close friends have done in a long time, it's just something that sparked a little bit of a discussion among some of us and I thought I would throw it out there for the rest of you.
So what all that said ... what word would they choose for you? (Actually I'd like to know what word you would choose for me too! ... see I'm just a curious vain bitch like that!)
Hmmmm..... since I don't feel I know you well enough to categorize you with a word i'd have to use several.... kinda defeats the purpose huh? ;)
I don't know why people choose "gay" to describe someone first. Growing up with my brother and his partner, I have always thought of that as a normal part of life and wouldn't even think of it. But i've been told many times i'm not of the 'normal' thinkers, as most others seem to be...
So anywho, to wind up a long winded answer.... i'd have to use the phrase...
Unlimited friendship possibilities
when describing you. :)
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by Tracey @ Tuesday, February 13, 2007 10:17:00 AM
What an interesting post! I love discussions like this.
As an academic and researcher who specializes in language and story - and the power within both, it always fascinates me to examine words and the ways that we use them. Remember this - language is all powerful and completelty shapes our reality each and every minute of the day - just think about how things like metaphor and story create our world and influence our understanding of everything within it. *BAM* It's crazy!
I'd posit that straight people use "gay" to describe gay men before adding any other characterizations NOT necessarily because they think being gay is a choice - BUT because, in their view, being gay is the over-arching way that they feel that we identify OURSELVES (and gay men do plenty to perpetuate the idea that we are all about our sexuality). Sexual identity can be seen (easily) as defining every other aspect of a person, and therefore it's the easiest way that others can identify people, too. And, being gay is also still not "mainstream", and thus leads to characterization because it's "new" or "different", just like, not too long ago, "black" or "Mexican" may have been used by white folks to describe someone - it's always easiest, either by choice or habit, to pull out the descriptive label that dominates identity because that aspect of the person is still seen as "different" by the mainstream social set (i.e. - heterosexuals, or white people, etc). Generally, there is no malicious or hurtful intent behind this - though it can still be dangerous -- but that is another story entirely!
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by J. David Zacko-Smith @ Tuesday, February 13, 2007 11:33:00 AM
Oh, yeah - the first word people have used to describe me is "sharp". Make of it what you will. I have never been described, as far as I know, first and foremost, as "gay". ;-)
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by J. David Zacko-Smith @ Tuesday, February 13, 2007 11:36:00 AM
Unfortunately, it seems that for all-too-many people, labels such as "black","asian" "Latino" or "gay" are used FIRST to describe a person.
Our media culture LOVES labels.
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by Cameron @ Tuesday, February 13, 2007 4:06:00 PM
Yeah I never really thought of that ... and I have to admit, in the entertainment world, that ISN'T the first word people use because it's so common. I think people use "gay" because they feel it's the biggest differentiator, although as you said, you would never introduce someone as "the black guy i was telling you about" -- even if you had described him as "a black guy" to them.
But I would hope that people would introduce me as funny, sarcastic, "snarky" or talented ...
especially as opposed to being called their "fat, unattractive friend."
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by Kevin @ Wednesday, February 14, 2007 12:55:00 PM
I know it makes you think right? I guess I wouldn't say that my friends would describe me as 'gay' first off either, maybe 'controlling' or 'stubborn' LOL. Actually I like to think the word that best describes me is 'driven' That's my pick and I'm sticking too it.
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by Rich Brown @ Thursday, February 15, 2007 2:21:00 AM
I can't figure that out either Rich, describing someone "first" as gay, black, white, straight whatever just doesn't make sense to me because it doesn't describe THE PERSON.
Hmmmm one word to describe me??? That's a tough one, it's my own self so I'm not sure what others would say that know me. I would guess though that it would be something like "caring". One word to describe you just from knowing you as little as I really do, would be "cool". As in, thoughtful, nice person, fun and honest. Just a really cool human being. :-)
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by Jude @ Saturday, February 17, 2007 12:53:00 PM
