Hello I'm Rich Brown and this is my personal website and blog. I'm just your simple, average, down to earth, professional, out gay man and aspiring circuit boy, living in Phoenix, Arizona with a few things to say while trying to find my place among all the scary, conservative, religious nuts in this sick and twisted world.
Friday, September 07, 2007
Is Voluntary LGBT Segregation A Bad Thing?
I really don't want to revolve my entire blog around all things gay-related, but it is a huge part of my life, so I do have some things I'd like to discuss.
I know that when many people think of the word segregation, it immediately brings to mind a whole host of negative thoughts. I do believe that when segregation is not by choice of the individual or group but rather forced upon without choice it is an extremely dangerous concept, however when done by personal choice of an individual, it's usually done to form a group to foster and promote a safe, accepting and tolerant environment of like cultures and/or like minded individuals.
While I'm not going to talk about forced segregation, I do want to get out my thoughts on social self-segregation because I believe it actually occurs quite frequently whenever you have a group of people who differ in culture, beliefs and interests from the masses around them. Social self-segregation even occurs within already self-segregated groups to create micro groups of distinct interest. In the Gay community this would be most likely represented by the Leather/BDSM crowd, the Bears, the Drag Queens, and the Circuit Boys for example. Each of these groups is a self-segregated sub-group of the already somewhat self-segregated gay community.
Ok are you confused yet? Let me take it down just a notch here. What I'm basically talking about is the desire of many gay people to insert themselves into a social circle consisting of mainly gay friends and participate in primarily gay community dominated social activities. For many years I used to think this was a ridiculous concept. I mean why as a gay man would I want to distance myself from the heterosexual world and everything I've been taught that I should desire for myself as an adult to encase myself in the bubble of the gay community? I used to hide my true feelings, curb my desires, modify my personality and behavior all to be more socially acceptable to the masses. I even remember that when I first met Justin in San Francisco I would refuse to hold his hand because I was still holding onto the guilt that I was doing something wrong and would be ridiculed. I was surely not going to be someone who lived my entire life around the fact that I was gay after all It's just one part of me right? Wrong!
I have to admit that my belief on all this has changed slowly over the last decade, but very quickly over just the past year. I now personally think that there isn't anything wrong with a desire to self-segregate myself and surround myself with as much of the gay community as possible. I'm not a social moron, I can get along with nearly anyone, and I thrive in different situations but the bottom line is that there is a level of comfort when surrounded by other gay people that is not easily achieved in any other way. Even our friends who are completely supportive and non-judgemental of us could never understand truly what it's like to never have to second guess your actions, behavior or conversation based on the fear that you may do or say something offensive. It's almost like complete freedom to let your guard down and be yourself.
I know many people will say that self-segregation is a bad thing because it only promotes a stereo type and it doesn't foster cultural understanding among different groups. I've had this conversation with other heterosexual friends and they always say "well you should feel comfortable to be who you are in any environment, straight or gay ..." While that's all great in theory, we are not to a point in society where it's even possible or practical in concept. I think basic diversity in places such as a large city certainly does a good job of helping to foster better understanding between diverse individuals and helping self-segregated groups interact, but it always comes down to the simple fact that sometimes as a LGBT individual you just need to be able to surround yourself with an environment where you have nothing to hide, you can let your hair completely down per se, and feel safe from hate, ridicule and criticism for sexual orientation.
I mentioned the 'Circuit Boys' as a self-segregating community within a community. It's interesting because as I would now consider myself as falling into this sub-group and we too are a self-imposed subset based purely on musical interest and specific choice in social activities. Many people, even in the broader gay community, apply stereo types and have misconceptions about this sub group. While some pre-conceived notions can be correct, others are most often way off base from reality. Only until you have fully immersed yourself into the culture of the circuit and our groups of friends can you truly understand the nature of the self-segregation and why we choose it.
I've often spoken about this with my friends during the larger parties. Attending a party weekend almost feels to us as if a Utopian society of happy, beautiful gay men of all ages, races and cultures is created for the entire purpose of socializing, dancing and taking part in what almost feels like a very raw tribal ritual among men. For a short period of time we can all feel safe, comfortable, act without reservation and know we're part of larger community of like-minded people. It's difficult to explain the experience unless you've actually ever lived it, but trust me when I say it's like nothing you will ever experience anywhere else. It's also why when the party is over it feels like you have to come back to real life and that for some reason that reality just isn't as good as it felt before.
Ok, I know this is a bit of a long winded post, but it's really been on my mind and gives you something to think about. I have gay friends, I have straight friends, and I love each and every one of them because they are all unique and special people who support me and love me for who I am and I love hanging out with them in any environment. I do not however see wanting to self-segregate myself and my friends at certain times into a totally gay environment to be a bad thing. While yes it's true being gay is only one small part of my life, the effect of being gay in today's society can have a huge impact on my overall happiness depending on the environment. If I can choose an environment or situation where I know I will most certainly be happy, why wouldn't I? Cheers!
Growing up in Chicago and in High School, I floated between all the groups. Jocks, Band Geeks, Artists, Burn-outs, etc.. I had friends in all those circles. I guess I related to all the people. But being gay myself and no knowing it I felt somewhat out of place. In the gay community it is similar. I can see what you mean, and I have to say again, I have found that I can make friends and hang out in all groups. Just in SF Pride I hung out and partied with some bears in the Leather/Bear Bars, I have drag queen friends, and circuit friends. But myself, I guess I don't know where I fit in all that. I guess I just like to roam LOL :)
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by Jimmi @ Saturday, September 08, 2007 12:01:00 PM
Rich it will always sadden me that this world isn't open minded enough to allow the LGBT crowd to feel comfortable no matter where they are. I don't understand it and I most likely never will.
Although I wish you would never have to worry about self segregation, I rather feel you have a good balance in your own life, it works for you and it's healthy.
In reading your post I got to thinking that even most straight people I know (including myself) choose self segregation to a degree, as when you think about it most humans tend to like to hang with friends who have similar interests and likes anyway. For example I wouldn't want to hang with bible study groups or with intellectual debaters; not because I think they do anything "wrong", but because simply have nothing in common with them.
So I guess it boils down to a similar thing, except with the LGBT unfortunately, there IS prejudice involved. That's what sickens me and therein lies the difference. It would be more of a forced situation than choice.
One day Rich maybe this world will change. I just wish I could be here when it does. What a celebration that will be!
HUGS!
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by Jude @ Sunday, September 09, 2007 9:09:00 AM
Interesting post Rich.
As gay people, the majority of us sit back and try to "read the room" (so to speak) when we are thrust into a new social situation. It is not a matter of thinking we are better or worse than other people, it is for safety's sake. Homophobia is still an accepted form of racism in society today. Sure it is getting better (and is much better than it used to be), but it will never disappear. When sexual minorities get murdered or attacked, it sends the message to every one of us that our guards always need to be up, that it will never be 100 percent safe. Then again, none of us (straight, gay, male, female) is ever always safe.
Different groups of people naturally self-segregate. Gays, Asians, Slovaks, Christians, Muslims, Seniors, Women, Nerds, and the list goes on. I agree with you that it is not a bad thing. Ideally, we would all be able to enjoy each other's company with no prejudices. But taking human nature into consideration, I do not see that day ever coming.
Hope you and the gang are doing well. xoxo.
|______________________________________________________________________ posted by SilentBob @ Wednesday, September 12, 2007 8:05:00 PM
