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Hello I'm Rich Brown and this is my personal website and blog. I'm just your simple, average, down to earth, professional, out gay man and aspiring circuit boy, living in Phoenix, Arizona with a few things to say while trying to find my place among all the scary, conservative, religious nuts in this sick and twisted world.
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Thursday, December 28, 2000 |
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Note From Palm VIIx
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What's up? I'm sitting here on the train writing you this e-mail with my sweet new PALM VIIx. It is amazing how far wireless technology has come. Anyway, I guess the train ahead of us hit someone so I have no clue as to when I am going to get home. I guess I'm stuck here on the train waiting for the coroner to get the bloody, mangled body off the tracks. ICK! Anyway, I just wanted to say hi. I'll talk to you later. ~Rich
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Tuesday, December 05, 2000 |
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Not Sure What I Want
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I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what I want in my life right now. After everything that I've gone through with my last relationship I don't know if I'm ready to handle a long term relationship with someone. I keep asking myself all these questions but I'm not sure that I'm giving myself the correct and honest answers. Overall, tonight was another frustrating night for me. I guess sometimes I get lonely here and I my mind starts to wander. Anyway -- I'll have to take some time and figure all of this out. I hate when I get this way. I had an interesting conversation with one of my ex b/f's tonight. It was nice to talk to him again. He sounds as if he's having issues as well. I guess we all go through this. Oh well .... I'll deal. Otherwise everything else is going great for me. I love the new job and I'm happy to be closer to home. I miss going up to the city to work, but I think I can deal with spending weekend time there instead. I was able to see some of my friends tonight at our usual Tuesday get together, but I wasn't really in all that great of a mood. I know that I certainly telegraph it when I'm in a bad mood. I guess after the 3rd person asked me what was up I decided that I better just smile rather then be berated with questions. God knows that no body like to listen to a bitter betty squawk about gay life. Oh well .. I really want to write some more, but I'm getting a bit tired, so I think I'm going to get to bed.
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Monday, December 04, 2000 |
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Stop Looking
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So after all that has happened in my life as of recent, my belief was once again proven. I have always believed that you cannot find someone until you stop looking. So since I totally stopped looking, it seems that I've finally I meet someone that has a great deal in common with me. For now he shall remain nameless. I don't know if he realizes it or not, but I find his personality so appealing and he is also physically so very attractive to me. Late Saturday evening we spent several hours chatting and getting to know each other. It was so refreshing to be able to have an intelligent conversation with someone. To find someone who has the same interests, goals and values. Someone that understands what a relationship is about and someone that understands the value of having someone in your life to love. Ultimately -- I'm slightly nervous about this whole thing. I'm not sure how this is going to play out. We met up on Sunday evening and spent a few hours together at my place having pizza and talking. It was a nice conversation and I think we really hit it off well. It was so nice to look into his eyes and see him smile. To gently touch his hand and while we sat there. I know he doesn't realize it, but it triggered such an emotional level in me. It made me realize how much I need someone else who can be affectionate with me. I don't think I gave it much thought prior to this, or maybe I just forgot what it felt like to have someone be genuinely interested in me. I have been in a strange mood this evening, because amidst all of this, many bitter feelings of wasted time have come into mind. I think it's because after meeting him, I realize there are actually some good people left out there. That I don't have to settle and it may very well be possible for me to someday once again fall in love with someone. Who knows .. I'm not in love so don't get the wrong idea. I'm just happy about the fact that I was able to meet someone else. Someone that is not the same as my ex, someone that has their own thoughts, beliefs and opinions. I guess it's true. There are other people out there. Maybe someday I will find that special person to spend my life with.
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