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Hello I'm Rich Brown and this is my personal website and blog. I'm just your simple, average, down to earth, professional, out gay man and aspiring circuit boy, living in Phoenix, Arizona with a few things to say while trying to find my place among all the scary, conservative, religious nuts in this sick and twisted world.
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@Work. I can't believe it's already Tuesday. This past weekend went so fast! So what did I do ...
Friday Night -- Went to coffee, pizza, then Badlands for a while.
Saturday Night -- Did the Green Party at Metropolis (*space 550 Barnevald)
Sunday -- Went to coffee at Jumpin Java and spent some time walking around outside
Well --- Lets talk about the Green Party. It was AMAZING. I have never seen anything like that before in my life. Ok so now I've decided that I want to work out even more to get a better body. Then I want to become one of these circuit party-goers and hit the circuit parties all over the country. Who knows.
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@ Home
Well it seems to have been a very short weekend. I can't believe that Saturday is already and memory and we are going into Sunday. The weekends anymore just pass by so quickly. I guess I need to start making more productive time of my weekend and then maybe it will seem to last longer. Going out clubbing until 3 am and then sleeping into until 3pm makes for a limited amount of time to do things.
Anyway -- it was needless to say an interesting weekend so far. On Friday night I worked until about 8pm and then I ended up going out to Club Asia. It was my first time to go out and not have to drive there or drive home. I ended up having a little too much to drink. Which for me in my state of not having really had any alcohol for a long time was only 4 drinks. Anyway -- I left there at about 2:15 and I walked up to catch a bus. I made a pit-stop at the Baghdad Cafe on the way home and had a late dinner. Nevertheless I did not feel like walking the rest of the way home so I gave in and decided to catch a taxi. It was worth every penny of the $4 it cost me.
Today was pretty much a bust. Because of my Friday night excursion, I ended up waking up in my bed under the covers with all my clothes on. This is not really a pleasant experience, as I was somehow in bed with my legs hanging off the side. I guess I decided I was really tired and didn't feel like getting naked. Oh well -- so this was at about 9am -- I decided to take my clothes off and actually get into bed and try and sleep some more. Well with the huge window that faces the sun in my room -- that was almost impossible. Oh yea and the 48 Muni that runs right in front of my room doesn't really help either. But I did manage to doze in and out until ... oh .. about 3pm. Ouch -- talk about a waste of a day. So after I got up I had to get some things ready. I was meeting a bunch of my friends from Penn State out at a restaurant in Palo Alto, Il Fornaio to be exact. Justin was coming over after work and we were all had reservations at 6pm for dinner. It would be good to see everyone again and get us all together in a group to have dinner and socialize.
So as I was getting ready, Brad calls me to tell me he is sick and wouldn't be able to attend. I also find out that Rick's wife is in New York and Carl's girlfriend is in Denver. My dinner party was falling apart. I called the rest of the group to see if everyone was going. It turned into a party of 6 instead of a party of 10. It was ok though -- rather then cancel I figured those of us that could, should still get together.
So next Justin calls me at 4:50 to tell me that I need to pick him up at work because he was running late. This just through off my whole schedule. I was planning on having him to my place by 5 so that we could leave no later then 5:30 to get there. Now I had to try and rush to get ready so that I could get down to the other side of SF to pick him up. Needless to say -- rushing and myself don't exactly get along too well. What can I say -- I takes a lot of time to be beautiful. LOL. Anyway I didn't end up leaving to pick him up until like 5:30. So with all the traffic to get down to 4th street it was almost 6pm by the time he got into the car. I was so mad. I guess I was mad at him for making me drive down there when I just wanted to hop onto the 280. We drove almost the entire way to Palo Alto without a word being said. I don't even think he understood why I was mad. I didn't feel like trying to explain it. It would be pointless I know.
So dinner was good. It was nice to catch up with my friends. I hadn't seen some of them for years. It's amazing how we can all be in the computer/tech field and all be out here in the same area. Just sort of weird how life works out.
The restaurant was very nice, great atmosphere and service, however the food was a bit mediocre. It was bland and slightly overcooked. I don't know if I would try it again there or not. I guess the atmosphere was worth it, but the food was definitely not the best part of our evening.
So we are sitting there and Justin gets a page. I let him use my phone to go and make a call. He comes back and I ask curiously who it was -- because I didn't know what was so important that he had to leave the table to call someone. And after much hesitation from him I find out it was a date for later that evening. Can someone please tell me what is wrong with this picture. Anyway I was so irritated but I didn't let it ruin my fun with friend or dinner. I could tell that Justin was so uncomfortable with my friends. He didn't say but about 2 words during dinner. It made me feel like what it was like with my last b/f when we would be social. I understanding not having any common ground with anyone, but hell I think I could have a conversation with just about anyone. I just it all comes down to the fact that you really have to try and most people just are not motivated enough to try and make conversation if it just doesn't happen.
Anyway so dinner ended -- we all said our goodbyes and parted ways. On the way home Justin and I didn't really say too much to each other. I asked him if he wanted me to drop him off at home. He said "no .. just a BART station somewhere ... " I was so mad at this point I just wanted to blow up. I decided it best not to say anything that I may regret
I thought that we were going to do something together tonight. He is the one always saying that he wants to do something and then after we go to this nice dinner, he has the nerve to have date with someone. I just felt this to be so rude of him and really tells me what kind of person he is. I would never have done something that hurtful. I asked him why he even went to dinner with me .. why did he even bother to go. He said because I invited him and he wanted to go. At this point I just would have rather not taken him if I knew this was going to happen. I made a comment to him last week about maybe going out Saturday night. I was joking with him because I kept saying how I wanted to be able to go out and walk home, but I would never actually send him home after we were already together. It's my luck that the one night I really want to do something and I get blow off.
I can't even express how angry I have been all night about this. I dropped him off at the Bart station on the way back into the city. He asked me if something was wrong. Duh -- yea there was something fucking wrong. I just said good bye and that I'll talk to him later. I really wanted to say something but I just didn't have to guts to do it. As I left I decided that I was going to call him and leave a message for him at home. I wanted him to hear what I had to say but was in no mood to argue with him at the BART station. I called him and left him a message basically telling him how rude I felt he was and that I didn't want to talk to him again. I also told him he was welcome for dinner. Because one of things that I cannot stand the most about someone is when you pay for dinner or something and they do not even have the common courtesy to say thank you. That I hate the most in anyone. It's basic manners and social skills. But I needed to say what I said and get it off of my chest.
I got home and I didn't know what I was going to do. I was so angry. I decided that I was going to go out. I didn't want to sit home alone and stew, as I knew that was what I would do. I did sit for about a 1/2 hour before I left just thinking about everything. I didn't know why this bothered me so much. It just did. I always let myself get into a position like this. I did it to myself I suppose.
Anyway -- I caught the 24 and went over to the Castro. I was going to go to Badlands, but there was a long line -- I walked up to the Cafe. Go figure -- an even longer line. Oh well -- I decided to go over to Cafe Flores and have some coffee. It was about 11:10pm and they were only open until Midnight. I had some tea and read the local gay paper to catch up. Now that they were closed what was I going to do. I felt like a guy all dressed up with no place to go. I started walking back up to Castro. I walked by Badlands again and there was no line. It looked pretty crowded and I decided not to go in. It was already midnight and I thought that I didn't want to go in for only about an hour. I decided that I was going to get some air and walk home. I had all these thoughts going through my head. As I started up the Hill from 19th on Castro I had this realization. I forgot that the bars in California are open until 2am, not 1am like in Arizona. Well hell I thought I have plenty of time to go out ... so I turned around and went back down to Badlands. Go figure -- another line. It is beyond me that how in the 5 minutes from when I walked by with no line until now that a line formed. Oh well I guess that is life. I stood in line. It only took about 5 minutes to get in but it was so hot inside. I could feel the heat coming from the inside as if someone had open an oven door right in front of me. It was pretty intense. I went in, got a beer and checked my coat. As I was walking by the dance floor I saw Jon, Jason, Greg, Jeff and a few others that I knew. I went over to them and said hello. I stayed there and danced for about and hour or so. My feet began to hurt from standing so I decided that I was ready to leave. I said my goodbyes, grabbed my coat, and headed up the hill towards home.
That walk from Castro to my new place isn't really bad except for that hill from 20th to 21st. I can certainly use the workout but it is kind of steep. I think I'm only up for a level 3 on the Stairmaster and this is like a level 8. Ugh. Anyway .. after much huffing and puffing, you'd think I was a smoker for god's sake, I made it up the hill. Whew -- it's all downhill from here. I made it back to my place in no time. I like living in the neighborhood and the city.
Anyway -- I got home -- no one around. I did get a message from Justin saying that he was sorry. I'm tired of everyone always being sorry. I still don't think I want to talk to him. I don't know. We are supposed to go to Phoenix together in 2 weeks. Maybe I'll just go alone. I guess it really comes down to the fact that I don't need anyone in my life. I can do just fine on my own. That's the way it's been -- that's they way I think it's meant to be. Who knows -- maybe my Prince will come along someday.
I just can't understand why this "thing" with him bothered me so much tonight. He tells me that he has sex with someone and it doesn't bother me. But this really got to me tonight. I think it was mainly because of his lack of tact with the whole thing. Oh well I'm not going to let it get to me anymore. I need to get some sleep as I'm meeting up with my ex for coffee tomorrow afternoon and it's already 3am. Ugh. Sleep...sleep..sleep. Woo hoo!
Ok -- I'm off ...
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@ Work
Ok .. so I've decided to put my journal back online.
I had it down because I was going to start writing more personal things that I didn't necessarily want others to see but I found that I just didn't write anything at all. I'll just reserve my pen and paper journal for the coffee shop and the personal items. Otherwise I'll just keep my day-to-day journal online. At least it will give me something to do again when I'm bored.
So ... it's been almost a month since I've posted anything.
I just recently moved up to Noe Valley from where I was living in Foster City. I have to say that I really love the neighborhood. I love being able to just walk to a restaurant, or being able to hop on a bus when I want to go somewhere in the city. It sure beats driving back to Foster City. I live with a 31-y/o lesbian and her dog in an old 3-bedroom Victorian house. It's quaint and has a large living room, dining room, kitchen, and more. My room is pretty large and I was able to setup almost a mini-living room in my bedroom. It makes it nice as if I want some privacy I can just go to my room and sit on the couch and watch TV. I'm enjoying myself so far.
I'm really having strong feelings about moving back to Phoenix. I'm going on a trip there in a few weeks to see my friends and dogs again. I want to take a look around again and try and decided if I should move back. I'm really tempted because I think I would be able to live much more comfortable there then here. But I'm not sure yet. We will see.
Work has been keeping me extremely busy. We just released a new version of the software that I'm working on, so it's been all week trying to keep up with bug fixes and feature changes. Hopefully it should settle down here in a week or so. I still enjoy my job and this is one of the main reasons that I would stay in San Francisco.
Otherwise everything else is going pretty slow. My social life and my love life has come pretty much to a halt for right now. Which I'm not saying that I mind this at all. I actually have been craving some personal time to myself. When I'm ready to be social again -- I'll go out and do things.
Well as much as I really want to write more, I have to finish up some things here at work and get going home now that I have a 30 minute drive as opposed to a 10 minute drive.
I'll try and keep up and write more tomorrow ...
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