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Hello I'm Rich Brown and this is my personal website and blog. I'm just your simple, average, down to earth, professional, out gay man and aspiring circuit boy, living in Phoenix, Arizona with a few things to say while trying to find my place among all the scary, conservative, religious nuts in this sick and twisted world.
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Thinking About California
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@HOME. It's funny but I think Justin and I have both been thinking a lot about going back to California. I think we are not only 'Big City' starved, but we feel like were 'California' starved as well. Life is just different in Cali. People are different, attitudes are different and being open about being gay is just different there. We've talked about eventually moving back to San Francisco and I think we are all on a plan that when we open our first company office it will be in San Francisco. Yesterday in the car Justin mentioned that he has really been feeling like he wants to go back. Not necessarily to San Francisco, but just back to California. Either Los Angeles, or San Diego or San Francisco. Somewhere where we can be ourselves, enjoy the weather, the people and not feel so distant from everything. Who knows where the future lies for us.
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Playing Catch Up
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@HOME. Well here we are, the weekend is almost over. Friday night we went to dinner with Mark & Andrea to RedRobin and then over to Denny's to sit and do some company work. Saturday and Sunday were both pretty much a wash as Justin and I caught up on some things we Tivo'd. We also rented 'Super Size Me' yesterday. Just let me say that I'm never going to McDonalds again. I'll just leave it at that for now.
I do want to write some more about what I touched on last night regarding nudity, religion and so called moral values, but I'm not in the mood to do it right now, so I'll just save it for another time.
I don't know if I've really touched on this at all before, but Justin and I are partners with Mark and Andrea in our company JMRA Technologies. We had many discussions in 2002 about starting a company and then in January of 2003 we finally incorporated as the JMRA Group, Inc. We currently operate under a 'doing business as' JMRA Technologies and things are really starting to pick up. First of all I can't even express how excited I am about the direction of the company. We've all been putting a lot of work into this and I think we're finally starting to realize our future. With the exception of Andrea who works for JMRA full time now, we all still have our fulltime jobs, but I think in the very near future we will be able to drop those jobs and work full time for ourselves.
I'm so proud of what we've been doing, what we've accomplished and the direction we are heading. We just put alot of time into working on our overall business plan and I think the vision that we all had in our heads is finally being documented to become our roadmap. I can't even begin to express my excitement about this company. In addition to bringing in new client, we're also in the process of developing a new software package which we're looking to rollout this year. I'm not going to discuss anything about the software because I don't want to leak any information, but so far it's looking really good.
Alright I guess I'm going to go clean up and make some dinner. Cheers!
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Saturday, January 29, 2005 |
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Freedom of Speech, Nudity and Christian Sensibilities
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@HOME. So I was just reading Kurt's Blog and I have to say I was a little irritated. Not irritated by what Kurt wrote but irritated by many of the comments that some of his readers posted. I think it's great that Kurt can write about whatever he feels like and is totally open and honest with himself and his feelings. I believe that some of his readers would rather him censor what he's writing because they feel some of what he has to say is too much information. We'll I've got news for people, it's his blog and he can write whatever he feels like. Just as this is my blog and I can write whatever I feel like. If we resort to criticizing people for what they write then we are starting to travel down a dark path that will have no good outcome. People write because they want to express themselves and they have the freedom to do that. We live in a country and society where those rights were earned and continue be earned by every person that gives their lives for the American Flag. If I'm not mistaken people read other's blogs on their own accord and just as freely choose to not read them. Rather then make comments regarding someone giving out too much information, maybe they should just 'change the channel.'
Some of the comments in Kurt's Blog also brought some very negative points regarding nudity. I was a bit irritated over the whole thing, so I posted the following comment on his blog:
I believe this subject is difficult for those to understand outside of the
gay community. It has been my experience that "fag hags", and I really don't
care for that term much even though I am gay, are usually harboring some
feelings for their gay best friends. I've seen this more then once. As far as
nudity and information, well I think some people take all this too serious. I
think we should be proud of ourselves and our body and not ashamed. It really
comes down to a personal decision if someone minds if others see them naked or
not. Through social conditioning and religious guilt we have been taught here in
the U.S. that it's wrong. If you look at most European countries they don't take
nudity nearly as serious as we do in the states. My opinion is that you should
do whatever feels right for you and don't let anyone else tell you how to feel
or what to believe. Interesting topic Kurt! Don't ever censor yourself or your
writing on behalf of others.
I guess that's a little summary on how I feel about this topic. I really think that organized religion has so much a part to play on the so called 'moraility issues' and values that people pretend to uphold. Don't get me wrong, I was raised Catholic, I was an altar boy, and until the past few years I attended church. I have nothing against religion, but I feel it's a personal topic and I'm scared to see where it's headed in this country.
Ok ... I have so much more to write regarding all of this but the pizza delivery just arrived and I have to go. I'll try and get back to this topic later. Cheers.
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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 |
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Hump Day Almost Over
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@HOME. Justin and I just got home from dinner. He decided to leave the truck lights on after he got to work this morning so when we went to lunch the battery was totally dead. Needless to say I had to leave work a little early to drop Mark off, pick up the jumper cables and go meet him at his office to jump the car. We decided to just stop and have dinner at Streets of New York restaurant on the way home. Justin will be moving down to work at my campus here in a few weeks. I'm really interested to see how things work out with us both being on the same campus. I'm sure it will be a nice change for a while. We'll probably get sick of seeing each other all the time very quickly.
Today was a really good day for me at work. I was busy most of the day but I've been in a good mood all day. I had a meeting with one of the Executive VP's today and he said something to the effect of " ... as managers we learn that we can't control everything, so rather then worry about the things we can't control, we need to worry about the things we can control and everything will fall into place ..." It's funny because I've been thinking along these lines for the past few weeks. I got so stressed out over work at the beginning of this month I realized that it did no good. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just going to do my job to the best of my ability and that's all I can do. If I have work to do at the end of the day, well it will be there the next day. No need to sweat the small details. Anyway the new attitude seems to be working out fabulously for me so far. I'm far less stressed out and in a pretty good mood most of the time. Man this really is the secret to happiness.
Speaking of happiness, I have to finish the book I'm reading. I'm probably about 1/2 way through, but I haven't had too much time lately, or at least taken any time lately to read. I'll probably sit for a little while before bed tonight and catch up. I have another book on the Matrix and Philosophy. It looked interesting so I picked it up. That will be next on my list. I want to also finish reading the rest of Angels and Demons by Dan Brown, but I had to put that one aside for a little while. I have to be in a particular mood for the suspense stuff.
Anyway I'm going to go and relax a bit before bed. Cheers.
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Tuesday, January 25, 2005 |
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Busy with Work
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@HOME. Today was both a bad and a good day. We had many problems at work but I think I've finally realized how I can not get stressed over it. I just don't. I've resolved that I can only do what I can do and the rest will fall into place. If there is more work to do at the end of the day, it can wait until tomorrow. I look back over the past 2 years in the office and nothing really has changed one way or another. My team and I contribute to help the company run, but it wouldn't fall apart without us and what we do dosen't make all that much difference in the grand scheme of things either. I have an early meeting tomorrow morning so I'm headed to bed now. I wanted to write a quick entry so as not to let too much time go by. I'm already looking forward to this weekend as I think this is going to be a busy week. Cheers!
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First Annual Phoenix HRC Dinner
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@HOME. Ok so I'm still here and I didn't get up to go outside. I'm so pathetic today. So next saturday is the first annual Human Rights Campaign dinner here in Phoenix. I'm finally glad to see that Phoenix is staring to have a solid HRC presence in the community. I think Justin and I are going to volunteer with a few other friends for the dinner. I really wanted to go to the dinner, but since our trip to Europe is coming up soon we don't want to outlay the $200 per ticket right now for the dinner. At least if we volunteer we can feel like we are doing our part and helping out a bit. I'm a big fan of the HRC and their committment to fighting for our rights.
Last Wednesday night we had our monthly corporate pride mixer and there were 2 chair-people from the HRC dinner present to talk about the dinner. They had some good informationan and thanked all of us for being active in the community and out in our workplace. I'll have more to discuss about this later, but I'm so glad that I am now out at work. It really has changed a few people's opinion about their perception of the gay community. Anyway I digress. I'm going to go get some food and then go to the gym.
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Ever Have One of Those Weekends?
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@HOME. It's Sunday at 4pm and the reality of this weekend is that I haven't gotten anything productive done at all. I guess everyone needs some of those weekends once and a while. Most of this weekend I actually spent between catching up with our recorded shows on TIVO, working a little bit on my Blog and Website and catching up on some other Blog reading. I did get around to finally changing my Blog template around so that it's all .NET based and using the user controls for the links, footer and menu. I got tired of having to republish every page in my blog whenever I wanted to update a link or make a template change. This should work out better for me. Geek stuff I know.
Today is my Mother's 65th birthday. It's too bad that she's snowed in back in Philadelphia. At least she'll be moved out here to Phoenix by next year. 65 is a pretty big milestone to meet. I was talking to her this morning and she said she still feels young. I guess that's really all that matters is how you feel.
It's still sunny and 75 degrees outside right now, so I think as soon as I'm finished writing this entry I'm going to go outside for a little bit. We are so oblivious to the weather issues going on around the rest of the United States here in Phoenix. It's like a bubble here. Sunny and warm pretty much every day. We do get some rain once and a while, but it's never really enough to amount to much. Perhaps we get a total of 6" of rain a year. Sometimes it actually gets old to have the sunny days. In reverse to growing up back east, everyone actually gets excited out here when we have some clouds in the sky.
Hopefully things won't be too overly hectic this week. I'm already looking forward to next weekend.
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Saturday, January 22, 2005 |
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Not Doing So Great With This
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@HOME. Wow I can't believe it's almost the end of January and I've only written once. I've been a little stressed out with work lately and busy, so I haven't had much time to sit down and write. Today was a nice day, I didn't really do much of anything except catch up on some Online reading and play around with my BLOG template a little bit. I wanted to put in a quick update before I walked away from the computer here. Alright I better go, it's dinner time.
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Unsuspecting Shift of Interest
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@HOME. I've realized a few things recently that are really starting to shift my personal interests.
- I'm constantly searching for something ... something else, something better, just something. It seems to be a never ending cycle for me.
- I hate working with computers as my career. I thought I used to enjoy computer programming, but what I enjoyed was the hobby of it. The thought of spending the rest of my life working in front of a computer is nauseating to me.
- I need more. I want more. I just can't define what exactly more means to me yet.
- I struggle for what I perceive as happiness but once I'm there I'm still not quite happy.
I know these thoughts may seem rather off the wall or unrelated but I've started to believe and realize that they really are all tied to the same thing. I think it all comes down to Human behavior conditioning and how/what we’ve been conditioned to think is proper, successful and appropriate behavior. The past few times I've headed over to the book store, I've found myself cringing to even go near the technology section, and ended up looking around in the Philosophy section. Probably one of the biggest regrets from my University days is that I didn't take any Philosophy or critical thinking classes. But then I still feel that at University age we aren't quite ready to fully embrace the learning opportunities that are available to us, but rather we are focused primarily on the fastest way to complete our required coursework and attain a degree. I’m not even going to get into that, because that’s a whole other discussion best saved for later. My main point here is that I’ve started to read some books on Philosophy and thinking and I’m very intrigued. 
I’ve felt somewhat stagnant the past few years because I haven’t really been learning anything interesting. I miss University lectures and intellectual conversation. I’ve tried to supplement my learning with the latest and greatest technology manuals and books, but it has become tedious and generally uninteresting to me.
Last night I picked up a copy of “The Conquest of Happiness” by Bertrand Russell. It was written in 1930 and contains a philosophical discussion of why people in civilized countries all seem to suffer from inescapable unhappiness with no obvious external cause. I’ve already read the first quarter of the book and it’s extremely interesting to me. Even though it was written in 1930, much of what is discussed still can be applied to modern day behaviors.
Anyway I’m not going to go into too much more detail in this post about the book or about my feelings, but needless to say I’m really starting to look at things a little differently now. I believe a broad lifestyle change may be headed my way, as I’m starting to finally realize what is most important to me in this lifetime.
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Happy New Year!
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@HOME. Wow I can't believe that it's 2005 already. I usually hit the beginning of the year and realize that I haven't been writing as much as I'd like or not doing something that I should, but for the first time in years I'm content. As I look back over the past year I don't really have any regrets or complaints. I'm looking forward to getting more accomplished this year and moving forward with some of my personal goals. I'm just thankful that I'm happy, healthy, and can share my life with Justin and Berg. I realize that we've created a wonderful home and family together for which I'm so very grateful.
This year should bring about some interesting events. First off, Justin and I have just finalized and made all the arrangements for our trip to Europe. We're going to be flying into London and staying for 1 night. We're then taking the Eurostar Train across the chunnel to Paris where we will be staying for 3 nights. Following Paris, we'll then head back on the train where we'll spend 10 more nights in London. We are both very excited about the trip. This will be my 2nd trip to London and 3rd trip to Europe overall, but it will be Justin's first trip to both. None of my other trips to Europe with a significant other, so I'm really looking forward to spending the time there with Justin. I know when I went to London for work in 2003, I hated the fact that I was there without Justin and he couldn't be there to explore the city with me. Paris will be a first for us both, so that will be great.
Also this year we'll be flying back to Philadelphia to help my Mother move back out here to Arizona. Let me first give a brief background to all this ... I moved to Arizona in 1994 after I graduated from Penn State. My parents came out to visit me 2 years in a row and fell in love with Arizona. They decided in 1998 to retire early and move out here in July of that year. They were both only 58. They spent 2 years living in Scottsdale and really enjoying their time together before we found out that my Father had pancreatic cancer in the summer of 2000. He became very ill, very quickly. In September of 2000, I accepted a position working for a Dot-Com in San Francisco and I was worried about my parents and my Mother having to take care of my Father alone here in Arizona. So before I moved out to San Francisco, I told them to pack up, that I was going to move them back to Pennsylvania to be with the rest of our family. So with short notice and little preparation I moved my parents back to Pennsylvania, and then in October I moved out to San Francisco. Shortly after that, in December of 2000, my Father passed away. Both my Mother and I were devistated. The night my Mother called me to tell me about my Father, I was sitting and having dinner with Justin on our first date. So, with all that said, my Mother has been alone in Pennsylvania since then. She does have the support of her sister and and some friends, but it's just not the same and I worry about her being alone. She visited us in San Francisco and didn't really care for it. My Mother just isn't a city person. So when Justin and I moved to Phoenix in 2002 she was excited for us and said she would like to come back out to Arizona. So for the past year we've been talking about it and she decided she is going to move back out here in the fall. She'll be staying with us for a few months until things settle down and we all determine the best housing situation.
So I'm looking forward to the adventures, experiences and changes this new year is going to bring about. Hopefully it will turn out to be a great year! Happy New Year to all my friends, family and passerby's to this BLOG. Cheers!Labels: Travel
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