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Hello I'm Rich Brown and this is my personal website and blog. I'm just your simple, average, down to earth, professional, out gay man and aspiring circuit boy, living in Phoenix, Arizona with a few things to say while trying to find my place among all the scary, conservative, religious nuts in this sick and twisted world.
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Friday, September 28, 2007 |
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Hmmm ... I'm Sensing A Pattern Here!
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Left: Rich, Lucky & Justin at San Diego Pride. Right: Rich, Justin & Justin at Charlies
I don't know, maybe it's just me but this seems to be happening to us a lot lately!Labels: Gay Life, Gay Relationships
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Sunday, September 23, 2007 |
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Car Accident In The Highlander
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So many things have been going on lately that I haven't really taken the time to sit down and write it all out. On Sunday, September 23, 2007 around 1:30 PM, Justin and I were involved in a car accident in the Highlander.
 
We were returning from dropping a friend off at his house in Scottsdale. Justin was driving and I was tired from having been out dancing the night before so I opted to stay in the back, where I had been stretched out laying across the seat. I'm not going to get into the specifics of the accident, but I'll just say that Justin and I are both alright. Since I was laying on the back seat sleeping when it happened I did suffer some minor whiplash and chest pain where I was thrown up against the front seats and middle console, but nothing serious.
My neck and chest are still a bit sore from the whole thing, but it's just going to take time. I'm just glad that neither one of us was seriously injured. Justin did tell me to put my seat belt on shortly before the accident happened, and I declined to say that I was fine and I wanted to lay there. I guess next time I'll think twice about staying in the back seat.
Until today, I forgot I had taken these two photos on my phone and it's somewhat funny because looking at them now, the damage to the car doesn't seem as bad as I remembered it as I was standing there. Maybe because of my shock and dismay after the accident, all I saw was the damage. I'm glad the Highlander wasn't totaled in the accident because it's only a little over a year old and I really wasn't ready to be searching for a replacement for it yet. The Highlander is currently at the Toyota body shop being repaired as we speak. Cheers.
P.S. Many thanks to Jerry for coming out to the accident to pick up Justin and I and take us home that afternoon.Labels: Random Thoughts
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Friday, September 21, 2007 |
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When It Rains In Arizona
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I was finishing up with work yesterday and to my surprise it started raining outside. Not just a light sprinkle, but a heavy downpour. I had the news on the television in the background and I heard the host say that my side of town, most specifically the intersection of two freeways closest to where I live, was the center point of a huge storm. It always fascinates me that how it can be raining in one place in the valley but not another.
The post-rain sunset in Phoenix can be quite dramatic
To most people rain is one of those annoying features of nature that we've come to accept and live with. That is to most people who live outside of Arizona. For the rest of us who call the Phoenix our home, rain is one of those very special treats which we hear about so often throughout the rest of the country but happens less then a handful of times a year at best here in the desert.
While the rest of the country considers a rainy, cloudy day to be somewhat dreary and depressing, we see it as a brief reprieve from the heat and bright sunlight. In the many years that I've lived here in Arizona, I've only experienced a few times where it's rained non-stop for several days, and let me tell you, those were probably some of the nicest days I can remember. The rest of the world arrives in Arizona for vacation to bask in the warm sun and stare into the deep blue sky in awe that such a place can exist without a single cloud above. For those of us that live here, well it's just another ordinary day in the Valley of the Sun. Cheers!Labels: Phoenix, Random Thoughts
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Thursday, September 20, 2007 |
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The Resident Slave Driver
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That's right, I said it, Justin is a slave driver. Take a good look at this photo because while he may look cute and innocent he's really not, he's evil. He actually put together a strict gym schedule for us which consists of 5 days a week in the gym. Starting with Chest, Shoulders & Abs on Monday; Arms, Triceps & Back on Tuesday; Legs on Wednesday; Thursday Off and the starting the cycle all over again with Sunday off.
Why are we torturing ourselves like this you ask? Well it's really Justin torturing me with the strict workout plan. Actually I'm just kidding about the torture part, he's just making sure to keep us motivated. If I haven't mentioned it yet we are going on the Atlantis Mexican Riviera Cruise with our friends in mid October which I will pleasantly refer too as 'The Big Gay Cruise'. That's right, 7 days aboard a ship full of several thousand gay men leaving from Los Angeles, heading down to the tip of Mexico and then back up along the Mexican coastline hitting ports such as Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan & Cabo San Lucas. It's apparently one of the most popular Atlantis cruises, so we're very excited about this being our very first cruise.
Justin and I will be accompanied by Bernard, Philip, Jerry, Tony, Dallas Justin, & Tim as well as a number of other Circuit friends we've met this year. We're all pretty sure this is going to be quite an adventure.
So for the past several weeks both Justin and I have been busting our asses at the gym and will continue to do so down to the wire so as to look as good as we possibly can before the cruise. It's hard, it means a strict diet, but I'm already seeing some great accelerated results in just a few weeks time, all of which would not have been possible without my resident slave driver to keep me focused. Cheers.Labels: Atlantis Gay Cruise, Gay Life, Working Out
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Friday, September 14, 2007 |
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Moving Through Life With a Dream
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Life is short. A simple truth which at some point in time everyone realizes. Often as we move through life we stop for a minute, turn around and check to see if we've taken the correct path. We ask ourselves if we've made the right decisions up to this point in our life and try to find some reassurance that we're still headed in the correct direction.
 I don't know if everyone goes through this or not, but I while I personally feel that I've chosen the right path and have made fairly good decisions in life, I can't see a clear path ahead. I believe that problem for me actually lies in the unknown future and the amount of endless paths which lie ahead to get there. If we don't know where we're going, how do we know how to get there?
Ok yes, I'm well aware that I have a tendency to over think things like this. I always have, I get it from my Mother, the worry wart. Fortunately I'm not as bad as her, I'm somewhere in the middle.
The reason I bring this up is because while I'm very happy with my life right now, given the opportunity to change my future path, I wonder if it's actually possible to be even happier? When I was in New York having dinner with my friends I was told by a cross dressing, palm reading, astrologist, who we fondly later referred too as Ms. Cleo, that things are actually going so well in my life that I'm actually looking for reasons not to be happy. Could she be right? My friend Bernard once told me back in 2000 that my biggest challenge in life will be to find what it is that truly makes me happy. I always think back to that conversation with him knowing he's always been right. It really has been my biggest challenge to find that balance of happiness in my life. I only feel like it's something I've really been able to achieve in the last year or so.
I know that everyone has their hopes and their dreams in life. Some people are lucky to be actually living them, others are still trying to achieve them, and then their are people like me who are still trying to figure them out. Even when I was in University I had no idea what I wanted to do in life. I changed majors several times, I flipped from Engineering, to Computer Science to Economics to Political Science to Undecided. I finally sat down with an advisor who asked me what really got me excited in life. I said to party (imagine the foreshadowing I didn't realize was actually going on for me back then ... ) He laughed. I said I was serious. I truly loved to have parties, I loved to be around people, and I simply loved to be social. He immediately asked me if I ever considered a career in the Hospitality Industry. I said no, even though I was working as a waiter & bartender to get through school, I really had never thought about it. I left our meeting, talked about it with my parents and shortly thereafter I changed my major to Hotel & Restaurant Management. It was one of the best decisions I had ever made in my life. I loved my classes, I started doing very well in school and most importantly I graduated two years later.
 I quickly moved from bartender to bar manager to dining room manager. I thought my path was set but somewhere about a year after I left school I received a call from a former professor. He was calling to let me know he recommended me to a computer company working in the hospitality industry. I was contacted for an interview and was quickly hired by them since I was apparently the perfect candidate having a background in both computer programming and hospitality. Just when I thought my career in hospitality was set I was whisked off into the world of technology, computers and programming where I still remain to this day. I sometimes wonder how my life would be different had I decided to stay in hospitality instead.
The funny thing about all this ... while I always thought I wanted to have a career in technology, I don't tell many people this, but I honestly don't enjoy it all that much. Don't get me wrong, it's fun at times, somewhat personally rewarding, and certainly pays very well but the bottom line is that it's extremely boring to me. The work is most often mundane, routine, and basically too interpersonal. I deeply miss the social interaction with people I had while briefly in the hospitality industry. I imagine this is why I continue to travel and go to parties like there's no tomorrow. What can I say, I love people.
I do often daydream about how my life might be different if I made some changes in life such as my career or my hobbies. I don't think about this with any regret in the choices I've already made, rather I think about it in regards to what the future holds for me. Yes, as I said before life is short, but we always have the ability to make a change and take another path. In life there is no correct path, every path leads to an infinite number of unknown outcomes, all of which we have to discover on for ourselves. I never think it's too late to try out something new.
I know I'm not even ready to make a change as drastic as a career change, I mean what would I do? I'm certainly not going back to hospitality after all these years in technology. I'm also not going to start something completely new either because after all, I'm quite successful and I'm not ready to start all over at the bottom at this point in my life.
What I have actually been toying with is the idea of trying out a few interests a little more seriously. One of these interests is Photography. I've long thought that I would like to explore my hand at some more serious photography rather then the point & click photos I've limited myself to over the past few years. Whenever someone has asked me the question "If you could do anything you wanted in life, choose any career, regardless of money, what would you do?" I've often thought to myself that I'd love to be a professional photographer and travel around the world taking photos. It combines my love of travel with my love of new places, people and things. I've thought if I could be successful, I'd have fun doing what I truly enjoyed and have a career which I can only imagine would be intensely rewarding on so many different levels.
   
A few photographs I took while in Paris with Justin in 2005.
Oh well, I know it's quite an ambitious aspiration to have and it's truly up to me to take the steps necessary to try it out, but it's something I've actually been giving thought too lately. I guess you really never know where life is going to lead you from one day to the next, so why not explore as many options as possible? What's the worst that could happen, I might actually realize my dream and find myself even happier then I am now. That would be such a bad thing would it? Cheers!Labels: Random Thoughts
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Thursday, September 13, 2007 |
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Friday, September 07, 2007 |
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Is Voluntary LGBT Segregation A Bad Thing?
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I really don't want to revolve my entire blog around all things gay-related, but it is a huge part of my life, so I do have some things I'd like to discuss.
 I know that when many people think of the word segregation, it immediately brings to mind a whole host of negative thoughts. I do believe that when segregation is not by choice of the individual or group but rather forced upon without choice it is an extremely dangerous concept, however when done by personal choice of an individual, it's usually done to form a group to foster and promote a safe, accepting and tolerant environment of like cultures and/or like minded individuals.
While I'm not going to talk about forced segregation, I do want to get out my thoughts on social self-segregation because I believe it actually occurs quite frequently whenever you have a group of people who differ in culture, beliefs and interests from the masses around them. Social self-segregation even occurs within already self-segregated groups to create micro groups of distinct interest. In the Gay community this would be most likely represented by the Leather/BDSM crowd, the Bears, the Drag Queens, and the Circuit Boys for example. Each of these groups is a self-segregated sub-group of the already somewhat self-segregated gay community.
Ok are you confused yet? Let me take it down just a notch here. What I'm basically talking about is the desire of many gay people to insert themselves into a social circle consisting of mainly gay friends and participate in primarily gay community dominated social activities. For many years I used to think this was a ridiculous concept. I mean why as a gay man would I want to distance myself from the heterosexual world and everything I've been taught that I should desire for myself as an adult to encase myself in the bubble of the gay community? I used to hide my true feelings, curb my desires, modify my personality and behavior all to be more socially acceptable to the masses. I even remember that when I first met Justin in San Francisco I would refuse to hold his hand because I was still holding onto the guilt that I was doing something wrong and would be ridiculed. I was surely not going to be someone who lived my entire life around the fact that I was gay after all It's just one part of me right? Wrong!
I have to admit that my belief on all this has changed slowly over the last decade, but very quickly over just the past year. I now personally think that there isn't anything wrong with a desire to self-segregate myself and surround myself with as much of the gay community as possible. I'm not a social moron, I can get along with nearly anyone, and I thrive in different situations but the bottom line is that there is a level of comfort when surrounded by other gay people that is not easily achieved in any other way. Even our friends who are completely supportive and non-judgemental of us could never understand truly what it's like to never have to second guess your actions, behavior or conversation based on the fear that you may do or say something offensive. It's almost like complete freedom to let your guard down and be yourself.
I know many people will say that self-segregation is a bad thing because it only promotes a stereo type and it doesn't foster cultural understanding among different groups. I've had this conversation with other heterosexual friends and they always say "well you should feel comfortable to be who you are in any environment, straight or gay ..." While that's all great in theory, we are not to a point in society where it's even possible or practical in concept. I think basic diversity in places such as a large city certainly does a good job of helping to foster better understanding between diverse individuals and helping self-segregated groups interact, but it always comes down to the simple fact that sometimes as a LGBT individual you just need to be able to surround yourself with an environment where you have nothing to hide, you can let your hair completely down per se, and feel safe from hate, ridicule and criticism for sexual orientation.
 I mentioned the 'Circuit Boys' as a self-segregating community within a community. It's interesting because as I would now consider myself as falling into this sub-group and we too are a self-imposed subset based purely on musical interest and specific choice in social activities. Many people, even in the broader gay community, apply stereo types and have misconceptions about this sub group. While some pre-conceived notions can be correct, others are most often way off base from reality. Only until you have fully immersed yourself into the culture of the circuit and our groups of friends can you truly understand the nature of the self-segregation and why we choose it.
I've often spoken about this with my friends during the larger parties. Attending a party weekend almost feels to us as if a Utopian society of happy, beautiful gay men of all ages, races and cultures is created for the entire purpose of socializing, dancing and taking part in what almost feels like a very raw tribal ritual among men. For a short period of time we can all feel safe, comfortable, act without reservation and know we're part of larger community of like-minded people. It's difficult to explain the experience unless you've actually ever lived it, but trust me when I say it's like nothing you will ever experience anywhere else. It's also why when the party is over it feels like you have to come back to real life and that for some reason that reality just isn't as good as it felt before.
Ok, I know this is a bit of a long winded post, but it's really been on my mind and gives you something to think about. I have gay friends, I have straight friends, and I love each and every one of them because they are all unique and special people who support me and love me for who I am and I love hanging out with them in any environment. I do not however see wanting to self-segregate myself and my friends at certain times into a totally gay environment to be a bad thing. While yes it's true being gay is only one small part of my life, the effect of being gay in today's society can have a huge impact on my overall happiness depending on the environment. If I can choose an environment or situation where I know I will most certainly be happy, why wouldn't I? Cheers!Labels: Gay Life, Random Thoughts
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Thursday, September 06, 2007 |
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Labor Day in NYC : Jerry's Photo From Work@Stereo
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Jerry took this photo with his iPhone on Sunday Night at at the Work @ Stereo event we went too in New York city. Due to the fact that the Alegria Party was cancelled, Work @ Stereo, which is usually on Saturday Nights was split into two nights with Peter Rauhofer spinning on Saturday night, and Offer Nissim and Eddie Elias spinning on Sunday night.
The funny thing is that Justin and I are both in this photo. We all had a great time in New York City, I'm very glad we went. As always just being in any really big city, let alone NYC, the city of all cities, makes me homesick for being in the middle of it all. I've only been back for a few days now and I'm ready for a trip back to the Big Apple soon. Cheers!
*HINT* Find big guy in near center of photo with black v-neck shirt and I'm directly behind him looking to the left and Justin is immediatly to my left looking to his left.Labels: Circuit Party, Gay Bars, Holidays, Jerry Timms, New York City
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Tuesday, September 04, 2007 |
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Labor Day in NYC Review
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Yes, so even though Labor Day Alegria was cancelled, my friends and I still made the cross-continent trek to NYC from the left coast and we had an absolutely amazing weekend. We’ve all been to NYC before so the typical hetro-touristy things were left off the agenda for this trip, it was all about getting out, dancing and having one hell of a fantabulous time.
Friday was spent shopping, relaxing and having cocktails in various restaurants and bars all over Chelsea ending up at G-Lounge and then closing the night out at Splash. Except for a super cute boy from Dallas who decided he wanted to make out with both Justin and I at Splash, it wasn’t a night to write home about, but just great getting out in NYC and spending time with my friends.
On Saturday evening, after an early dinner at a delightful restaurant in the lower east side called The Stanton Social, Justin, my friends and I headed over to Stereo and after arriving it was apparent that something was terribly wrong. As we walked towards the back of the line we noticed there were more girls than boys in line and the handful of boys were dressed in their nicely starched and best striped/funky/paisley/trendy button down shirts with dress pants. Immediately we began to question everything we embrace about the gay dance culture and had to ask ourselves “Do gay boys dress up in NYC?” Had it not been for the other two gay boys in tank tops who walked up behind us also aghast and in dismay we might of actually convinced ourselves that the girls were simply a bunch of over eager alternate lifestyle companions and attempted to go into this establishment only to be denied at the door because the dim-witted blonde with the clipboard would clearly inform us that tank tops and jeans were not proper attire for this club.
My friend Philip finally decided to walk up to the door and ask the dim-witted blonde what event this was tonight. She most promptly replied that she was just there to manage the ‘list’ and had no idea what was going on inside this venue. But in a moment of great wisdom she did manage to blurt out the most intelligent thing she’s probably ever said … “um, I think there might be another club called Stereo somewhere else” Philip walked back to let us know we might be at the wrong place. In a race to the death my two friends pulled out their fancy new iPhones to look up the correct address on the Work@Stereo myspace page. Apparently ATT needs to work on their network because after about 5 minutes of waiting impatiently Justin pulled out his Sprint Treo, browsed to the page and found the correct address. Hmpf, who knew there were two Stereo’s.
We grabbed the other two gay boys who came in from Miami and DC for Alegria as well and walked over to 33rd to find the other Stereo. Our hearts warmed as we saw the line of gay, club-clothed, muscled, party boys of all ages with no alternate lifestyle companions in sight. This surely was the right place, so we hopped into line. After only about an hour wait we were inside and checking the place out. I immediately ran into a prominent NYC club figure and fellow CircuitList member, the well-known Mr. Joe Caro. At that moment I knew it was going to be a very good night. Peter Rauhofer came on sometime around 2 AM. Peter cranked the sound and had the club spinning and the boys swirling out of control. I haven’t actually heard Peter live since some years ago in San Francisco so I was very excited to see him spin again, and he was outstanding. Maya came on around 5 AM to sing 3 songs, which were I believe were “For Your Love”, “Perfect Love”, and “Be My Boyfriend.” I say believe because, well I’ll just leave it at that, you all know what it’s like in the club at 5 AM. Maya’s performance was unobtrusive to the party, it flowed very well and was a nice addition to the evening. Overall Saturday night was so much better that I ever expected, the music was exactly what I wanted and needed to hear at that moment. I danced my ass off until Justin and I left at 7:30 AM on Sunday morning. The club was jam packed, the guys were super smoking hot, everyone was having a blast and we met some really great new people.
After a little sleep, some lunch and shopping on Sunday, we took a quick disco nap and headed back over to Stereo around 11 PM. The club was already getting pretty full. Offer Nissim entered the DJ booth to a clapping and cheering crowd of eager boys around 2 AM. One thing you can always say about Offer Nissim is that he knows how to put on a show. He’s not just a DJ, but he’s an entertainer. Everyone faced the DJ booth has he got ready. Offer put on the headset, looked at the crowd and then quickly slid the crossover and threw his hands in the air while the boys went absolutely crazy. I don’t know what it is about Offer Nissim but he sure knows how to send the crowd into a frenzy. The music was good, it was pretty typical Offer Nissim. I love seeing Offer perform live but after about the first hour or two it all pretty much sounds the same. Suzanne Palmer came on around 5 AM and frankly I don’t even remember what she sang because I was busy babysitting someone who was falling out. Offer stayed on and played until almost 6 AM when Eddie Elias took over the booth. For me this is when the night really kicked into full gear. This was the first time I’ve heard Eddie spin and he was absolutely phenomenal. I watched him for a bit in complete awe at his uber awareness of the mood and the crowd. Without even looking at his hands he would look out into the crowd, layer in another song, watch the boys go crazy, and then just smile. For me this is what it’s all about, the music, the mood, the energy of the crowd, all the hot and sweaty guys dancing like it’s the last song. It doesn’t get any better than that. I was really surprised at how many people remained for the afterhours. I ran into and was talking to Mr. Joe Caro again for a bit and then another CircuitList member, Jonathan, recognized Justin and came up and introduced himself to us. It’s certainly nice to go out and meet other fellow CircuitBoard members on the dance floor, sort of like having our own little fraternity. I’ve always said that one of the best part of these parties is meeting new people and gaining new friends all over the county. Jonathan, Justin and I closed the club out at 11 AM when the event finally came to an end. It was a really great night and we all had an absolute blast.
It was certainly a memorable trip to NYC even though most of it was spent inside of Stereo. Before I left on this trip I told myself I was going to NYC to dance and that I did. I danced my ass off for no less than 25 hours over the course of the entire weekend and I enjoyed every damn minute of it. I’m looking forward to another trip back to NYC next year so that maybe I can finally make it to an Alegria.Labels: Circuit Party, DJ Offer Nissim, DJ Peter Rauhofer, New York City
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